Choices and Changes

I believe that we chose our parents so that we could have the exact experience we needed to have to learn the lessons we needed to learn.  My parents have always been loving and supportive.   They have really allowed me to be me without pressuring me to be something that they wanted me to be.  I can feel that they love me deeply just like most parents love their child.

They have also always been worriers. I can understand why they worry.  I can see where their conditioning came from.   I can see that both of them come from scarcity consciousness.  It not by choice but just by the life circumstances that were presented to them.  There was never enough.  I remember by dad would say to me in the morning before school “You better get to school or you are going to be living on the street in a box”.  I see where he was coming from, he was concerned for my well being.  I think he felt worried because if I couldn’t provide for myself he knew he couldn’t help me as much as he wanted to.  It all came from love but as a young impressionable child this shaped my psyche. For the rest of my adult life I would live in constant fear of not being supported.

My psyche has drastically changed in the past five years from practicing Kundalini Yoga and Reiki.  I have gone deep into my belief systems and made some changes in those neurotransmitters.  It is a slow and steady process but anything worth anything takes time and patience.  As you begin to awaken you think things will get easier as you start to vibrate on a higher vibration; this is not actually the case.  When you start to emit a higher frequency your old stuff that doesn’t resonate with that high vibrational frequency gets triggered.  At first you will feel like you aren’t doing it right and then you drop in frequency and whatever situation you are looking to manifest doesn’t come to  you because you have dropped out of that frequency.

What I have realized is that every time I talk to my parents and tell them that I may be having a hard time they go into worry frequency and I naturally pick up on that and start vibrating at that old familiar feeling.

My new awareness is to be present to those triggers and be aware of the feelings that arise and again like everything see it from the higher self’s perspective.  As I practice this more and more I have the opportunity to transmute those energies.  I notice how activated I get when my dad asks me if I am going to be able to pay my rent.  If I can be present enough to find that compassion in me for him and see it as old patterns then I go beyond.  As I do this for myself I change my ancestral patterning and my life experience.

As I practice gratitude for what surrounds me and I let go of the desire to have anything other than what surrounds me, I come into the present.  That is what this whole thing is about right? This eternal evolving moment.

 

 

You are the Universe and I am the Universe

As I begin to watch my mind more and more I notice all the ways in which my ego shows up. One of the most interesting to me at this moment is when my ego feels superior or inferior. I notice how when I say something that I feel the other person my not know, I feel as if I am one up on that person.  Intellectual or spiritual knowledge can be one of the most cunning ways in which the ego shows up.  It’s this feeling that wells up inside as if because I know more I am better, I am safe.  The superior ego shows up in those moments of victory.

The inferior ego shows up when I feel that I am not good enough.  Everyone seems to do it better than me and everyone is smarter than me.  It shows up in those moments of “that was not a victory”.

Those are the two extremes of our relationships with others.  Relationships are how we relate to ourselves.  Now that I am beginning to see what it does, I am able to disconnect to the hold it has on my energy.  A great way to transmute this energy is first by recognizing it in yourself and look at everyone you see and say, “You are the Universe and I am Universe” or “ You are God and I am God”.

I am not attached to those feelings anymore. I am just watching and laughing.   Laughing at the interesting ways in which I pretend as if I am not loved, safe and one with all that is.