For Life

The moment I began my journey to healing my physical body I have been told I am toxic.  Doctors and healers have told me I am full of candida, bad bacteria and parasites.  The barrage of articles on the Internet tells me I need to cleanse and kill the bad bacteria. In the New Age community, the words “detox” and “cleanse” are such commonly used words.

Why should I accept the idea that I am “toxic and need to cleanse”? What if I stopped trying fight the bad guys and brought in the good guys?  What I am saying is that you can’t fight darkness with darkness you can only bring in the light.  What if I stopped believing that my body was toxic while putting herbs, vinegars and other detox formulas to kill the bad bacteria but instead inoculated myself with pro-biotics? The Latin preposition “pro”, meaning “for” and the Greek adjective “biotic”, meaning life, which translates to for life.  By flooding my body with light and life the darkness is immediately dissipated.

It really comes down to what I believe about my body, mind and spirit.  Do I believe that I am toxic and need to cleanse?  For so long, yes I have believed that.  These beliefs are based on guilt and shame for my past decisions.  These decisions were based on spiritual unconsciousness.  As I forgive myself for what I previously judged as “bad decisions” I come into the present and let go of the guilt and shame.   I see it all as necessary for the expansion of my compassion and consciousness.

I now understand that flooding my body and mind with positive thoughts and good bacteria I become light.  The truth of who I am is light and goodness.  The heavy energy and toxicity that I felt is just what I have believed about myself for so long until now.  Of course that is perfect for my journey, for as I know deep in my heart how can I know light without the experience of darkness?

Love Anyway

I remember as a teenager in high school being so loving and so helpful. If anyone asked for my help I would be the first one there. I was willing to do whatever anyone needed without needing anything in return. There were times I felt it wasn’t appreciated but I was so young, open and it wasn’t a big deal.

I remember a friend of mine Keisha said to me one day “You need to toughen up”. She was the kind of girl that stood up for herself and maybe a little rough around the edges. Keisha went on to explain that people are going to run over me if I was too nice. A shift happened in that moment, a hardening. I began to see that she was right, I wasn’t being appreciated and I was being taken advantage of. I started to pull back from believing that people are mostly good. That innocent loving girl was hidden behind the fear of being a pushover.

As the years went on I would find myself holding back in certain situations depending on the person I was interacting with. I would withhold compliments, love or help if I felt that person would not appreciate or reciprocate. I did this out of fear of losing a part of myself. If I felt that someone wasn’t supportive of my endeavors or me in general I would build a wall. I would see their envy or their disbelief in me and assume that I wasn’t being loved. All the while this was a reflection of my own disconnection to love for myself.

The only reason someone isn’t supportive of you in any way is his or her own insecurity or perception of lack. When you are a sensitive being you feel every energy shift.  If you are not careful you will assume it is because of you. If you read Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements you would know that nothing others do is because of you.

In that one moment that I allowed Keisha to change my perception, my whole world changed. I began to only give my love when I knew it would be reciprocated.

As I become aware of this shift in perception and bring light to it, I see how to balance this energy. With experience and awareness comes wisdom. There comes the ability to see how something served you for the time being and the willpower to move beyond and change.

The lesson here is to love anyway. It is to see the world and people as loving. Give yourself to others with no expectation. Having the awareness to know when you are exerting too much energy. There is a healthy balance; you must know yourself enough to know when to give and when to let go. Being compassionate when you see that someone’s pain is so deep that they react to your love in an unkind way. When you can feel that someone is in pain and reacting in jealousy or fear, love anyway. It may not be the easiest path at first but I feel that it does get easier. To do this authentically it is necessary to feel that deep love for yourself. To know that you are always taken care of and perfect just as you are.  So love anyway.

You are the Universe and I am the Universe

As I begin to watch my mind more and more I notice all the ways in which my ego shows up. One of the most interesting to me at this moment is when my ego feels superior or inferior. I notice how when I say something that I feel the other person my not know, I feel as if I am one up on that person.  Intellectual or spiritual knowledge can be one of the most cunning ways in which the ego shows up.  It’s this feeling that wells up inside as if because I know more I am better, I am safe.  The superior ego shows up in those moments of victory.

The inferior ego shows up when I feel that I am not good enough.  Everyone seems to do it better than me and everyone is smarter than me.  It shows up in those moments of “that was not a victory”.

Those are the two extremes of our relationships with others.  Relationships are how we relate to ourselves.  Now that I am beginning to see what it does, I am able to disconnect to the hold it has on my energy.  A great way to transmute this energy is first by recognizing it in yourself and look at everyone you see and say, “You are the Universe and I am Universe” or “ You are God and I am God”.

I am not attached to those feelings anymore. I am just watching and laughing.   Laughing at the interesting ways in which I pretend as if I am not loved, safe and one with all that is.

Bird’s Eye View

Changing your perspective is a gradual process. The process we are going through is a collective experience of learning a new language. The language is love. We are moving from the head to the heart. The pains of birth are excruciating and bloody. We are being born, and once again remembering who we are.

As your consciousness expands you begin to see everything from a broader perspective. Continuing to think expansive thoughts and intentionally changing the reoccurring thoughts which make up your belief systems. We begin to change our narrow minded linear perspective to a bird’s eye view and see everything occurring in perfect timing. We soften our resistance by changing our thoughts to this broader perspective. Because this is a gradual process, life experience will give you what you need to practice this new way of seeing. The key is to allow the incremental process of transformation with that continued perspective. Eventually you will be a place where you are watching it all with a deep knowing that all is perfect.

 

Humbled

I love the quote “Life will give you whatever experience is the most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness” –Eckhart Tolle. That is a deep statement. As we step into a desire to become more expansive, life experiences arise so that we may have the experience and cultivate a new perspective. The experience life has given me in the past year or so is the experience of not having very much money, having just enough or sometimes even the feeling of not having enough. This is a quite a humbling experience. You begin to think back to the times you judged your friends for not having the money to go to dinner or join you at an event and wish you didn’t. As a person on the path seeking you begin to look to the belief systems you carry that prevent your experience of abundance. You realize that you have been conditioned by someone or some experience in the past to come from a place of lack consciousness. It is your choice to transmute those beliefs systems and have the courage to move through the pain of processing the suffering.

There are many lessons to learn during this experience.  I opened up to the idea that there are many free resources that I felt I was too good to open up to when I had the money to do them. It is possible to cook at home most of the time.  I was forced to cancel my yoga membership. One month later I was offered a position to teach at Golden Bridge, so as a teacher I practice for free as an employee. I bartered with massage therapists trading Reiki treatments for massages.  Taking cash out and giving myself a budget each week helps me to be mindful of what I spend. I decided to put myself out there like I never did before. I sent in my resume to jobs I never would have thought I would. I took action while all the time trusting all is perfect. I cried. I panicked. I thought moving away would solve my financial problems.

Then I realized this is exactly what I needed to learn to grow to have compassion. The abundance lies in your experiences. Your self worth is not defined by the amount of money you have in your account but by your connection to the absolute Divine that is within you. You are the Universe and the Universe is abundance. Count your abundance in all of the ways you see it. Feel the gratitude for all that surrounds you. Focus there. Put all of your awareness on the gratitude for this life experience and be excited for what is coming.

 

 

Doing, Doing, Doing

When I look around at the world I see a bunch of ants running around doing a bunch of things and in a hurry to do them.  I often ponder if that is our purpose.  I see so much of our society is based on what we are doing or accomplishing.  Is that the real nature of being human? To do, make and create?  I don’t have answers to this.  I have come to realize that I know nothing and the things I think I know are changing or probably will change.  I am just here perceiving how I perceive and doing my best to come to new conclusions with those new perceptions.  I find myself in a place where there is a clean slate and I feel a ton of pressure to figure out what I am going to do now.  I see how everyone has their creation they are working so hard on and with so much passion.  I have a lot of respect for it.  I just don’t have that in this moment and by not having that somehow I have picked up in my subconscious that does not make me worthy. It is so interesting how we have defined our self worth by what we accomplish and do.  In truth, just being is so beyond worthy in itself.  So do I have to have some big project or goal in the pipeline? I feel that my conditioning says yes and it is a big yes.  It is saying “Kat, get off your ass and do something big or you are going to be living in a box on the side of the street”.  There is however a small but tiny voice that says “Just relax Kat, you just do what you feel in this moment and all is unfolding for you perfectly”.  So which voice do I listen to?  I think I will listen to the small tiny voice and see what happens.

 

Patience Is A Virtue

I found myself walking through whole foods the other day feeling irritated at people cutting me off and then noticing myself cutting people off as I walk through the busy isles.  I checked in with myself at that moment and noticed there was space for me to be more conscious, to be more patient.  So often we are running around from one place to the next or not even a place to be and we are in such a hurry.  We become so unaware of the other people around us more often than not.  I find myself saying things like “people annoy me” or “who does this guy think he is?”.  It is the inner resistance voice coming up.  It happens when circumstances are looking stressful in my life experience.  My irritation level is on high alert.  When circumstances are looking good this doesn’t happen so often.  So being more conscious of those moments when those impatient thoughts and feelings come.  I notice those feelings and then in the next moment make a new choice to allow someone to go in front of me or smile at the hard workers.  As we bring more consciousness to these types of inner resistant thoughts we are able to transmute them on a higher level.  It happens of itself over time.  I am the first to admit I get agitated easily and with that brings a greater agent for change.  Bashar says, “It’s the rubber band effect, the further you shoot into the darkness, the further you shoot into the light”.  So do not fret if you find you have a lot of resistance inside of you. 

 

The Unknown

What is it like to live in the unknown and be ok?  What if the universe is creating all of the experiences that you need for your evolution as you?  Your part is to go with what is being created.  So often we go against what has been created. The universe is the organized essence that takes care of every single event that happens in the universe. So that is why we may not experience exactly what we want, when we want it. We must remember that everything is unfolding at the perfect timing in conjunction with the whole. Everything that seems out of order is exactly a part of what needs to happen for the whole. When you are feeling off or disappointed, find a way to be present to what you are feeling. Notice with an observing presence. Knowing that it will pass. We attach and hold on to these passing emotions. By doing that, the energy gets stuck in our energetic field and make us feel heavy.  We feel resistance to what the universe has created because it may not match what we expect.  If we can just trust that everything is  exactly as it should be, those moment of discomfort could turn into a much easier experience.

The Kind of Abundance I Want to Cultivate

I truly believe in the statement “It is all perfect”. Some of my friends think I am a bit silly when I say this.  I can see why it seems silly.  My reasoning behind liking this is because it helps you to see everything as the best possible scenario. When you see a circumstance in this way, you accept it fully and add a positive spin on it.  How awesome is that?  You created it so its perfect for what you are needing in this moment.  The reason we experience pain is because we are getting in the way.  Our higher self is doing all of the connecting and sorting.  Our physical mind’s role is to have perspective.  So the best things we can do is have a great perspective right?

I took a big risk and came to Bangkok, Thailand for a job that was not guaranteed.  I gave up my apartment, my dog and security to take an adventure. I came here with just enough money to pay my bills back home during the three months I was going to stay here. In my mind, I really had a feeling I was going to go home with tons of money in my account.  That three months is coming to an end and I will be going home with no dollars in my account.  There was major fear when this first came to my attention and to add a little tiny bit of resentment. I came all the way across the world to work very hard and go home with no money?  Although I am going home with no dollars in my account, I am going home with so much abundance that money cannot buy.

The experiences and realizations that I have had here are incredibly enriching.  I meet the unknown here, I thought I knew what God was, and now it has integrated.  I have talked about the Divine, Source Energy or whatever you want to call it for years. It was still something that was elusive to me until now. I now have a relationship with Source Energy.  I know it is the invisible mind that we are all connected to, the un-namable.  The one who is creating, it is not outside of me but the bigger part of me as Abraham Hicks teaches.  I learned how to sweat, how to truly be ok with sweating. If you know me, I abhor sweating.  This is huge for me.  My blog was created here. I found a special coffee shop nearby that I ride my bike to and just sat down and started writing.  I never wrote before in my life and now I wonder how I survived without this outlet.  I met a dear friend at that coffee shop that brought me to Buddhist Meditations and great temples like Ayutaya.  She is a friend for life that I cherish so deeply.  I learned to chew my food, to really chew my food.  To make sure that the enzymes are activated so I put less stress on my stomach.  Yogi Bhajan says “You don’t have teeth in your stomach”.  I wondered why I was bloated so often.  Food that isn’t properly masticated rots in your stomach and is breeding ground for bacteria. Gross, I know. Unless you are chewing your food until is liquid then you have problems.  You learn that you don’t need to eat as much when you really take the time to chew your food.  I learned that LA traffic is not that bad in comparison to Bangkok. I look forward to sitting in my Mini on the 101. Let’s hope this awareness stays with me for a while when I return.

That amount of abundance surpasses anything I could have every dreamed of.  I am going home with so much abundance in my heart.  I can feel the abundance that is pouring over me.  That is the kind of abundance I want to cultivate.

Some of the photos I took at this magical place…

Ex Conspiracy Theorist

In the early stages of my awakening I remember being quite involved in opposing and whining about our governments.  I watched and read everything that concerned conspiracy theories and spoke about them with everyone. I felt it was my need to inform everyone of the act of crime that were being committed upon us, we were victims of horrific violence.  Everyday I would walk outside and see the chemtrails and feel so much anger inside of me, we were victims of silent warfare.  GMOS are now the hot topic.  I was looking at things happening outside of me and feeling incredibly helpless.  This is a part of the process, we look at the world and see what we have created and we are not pleased.  Complaining about our government reminds us of our freedom of speech.  This freedom is our natural state.  We also have the freedom to create new a new paradigm, which we are so beautifully doing.  Resonating with the freedom aspect of ourselves, we expand and break out of the jail cell we have created. We create not by focusing on what is wrong, because in doing that we only give energy to and create more of what we don’t want.  Creation happens by allowing the universal energy to move through us and we are inspired to take action.  Seeing that all of this is a reflection of our collective consciousness that is pushing us create new systems.  To feel that we are having this experience to show us that we do not yet fully understand our unity of all things.  Turn on the light and all darkness is dispelled.  Lets teach each other by example.  Forgiving ourselves. We all have one very important thing in common and that is we are everything, we are connected by the space in between.  Our true self. Let us focus on the truth of remembering our who we really are.  Allowing the divine to flow through us with new ideas and most of all standing tall in our own sovereignty.