For Life

The moment I began my journey to healing my physical body I have been told I am toxic.  Doctors and healers have told me I am full of candida, bad bacteria and parasites.  The barrage of articles on the Internet tells me I need to cleanse and kill the bad bacteria. In the New Age community, the words “detox” and “cleanse” are such commonly used words.

Why should I accept the idea that I am “toxic and need to cleanse”? What if I stopped trying fight the bad guys and brought in the good guys?  What I am saying is that you can’t fight darkness with darkness you can only bring in the light.  What if I stopped believing that my body was toxic while putting herbs, vinegars and other detox formulas to kill the bad bacteria but instead inoculated myself with pro-biotics? The Latin preposition “pro”, meaning “for” and the Greek adjective “biotic”, meaning life, which translates to for life.  By flooding my body with light and life the darkness is immediately dissipated.

It really comes down to what I believe about my body, mind and spirit.  Do I believe that I am toxic and need to cleanse?  For so long, yes I have believed that.  These beliefs are based on guilt and shame for my past decisions.  These decisions were based on spiritual unconsciousness.  As I forgive myself for what I previously judged as “bad decisions” I come into the present and let go of the guilt and shame.   I see it all as necessary for the expansion of my compassion and consciousness.

I now understand that flooding my body and mind with positive thoughts and good bacteria I become light.  The truth of who I am is light and goodness.  The heavy energy and toxicity that I felt is just what I have believed about myself for so long until now.  Of course that is perfect for my journey, for as I know deep in my heart how can I know light without the experience of darkness?

Choices and Changes

I believe that we chose our parents so that we could have the exact experience we needed to have to learn the lessons we needed to learn.  My parents have always been loving and supportive.   They have really allowed me to be me without pressuring me to be something that they wanted me to be.  I can feel that they love me deeply just like most parents love their child.

They have also always been worriers. I can understand why they worry.  I can see where their conditioning came from.   I can see that both of them come from scarcity consciousness.  It not by choice but just by the life circumstances that were presented to them.  There was never enough.  I remember by dad would say to me in the morning before school “You better get to school or you are going to be living on the street in a box”.  I see where he was coming from, he was concerned for my well being.  I think he felt worried because if I couldn’t provide for myself he knew he couldn’t help me as much as he wanted to.  It all came from love but as a young impressionable child this shaped my psyche. For the rest of my adult life I would live in constant fear of not being supported.

My psyche has drastically changed in the past five years from practicing Kundalini Yoga and Reiki.  I have gone deep into my belief systems and made some changes in those neurotransmitters.  It is a slow and steady process but anything worth anything takes time and patience.  As you begin to awaken you think things will get easier as you start to vibrate on a higher vibration; this is not actually the case.  When you start to emit a higher frequency your old stuff that doesn’t resonate with that high vibrational frequency gets triggered.  At first you will feel like you aren’t doing it right and then you drop in frequency and whatever situation you are looking to manifest doesn’t come to  you because you have dropped out of that frequency.

What I have realized is that every time I talk to my parents and tell them that I may be having a hard time they go into worry frequency and I naturally pick up on that and start vibrating at that old familiar feeling.

My new awareness is to be present to those triggers and be aware of the feelings that arise and again like everything see it from the higher self’s perspective.  As I practice this more and more I have the opportunity to transmute those energies.  I notice how activated I get when my dad asks me if I am going to be able to pay my rent.  If I can be present enough to find that compassion in me for him and see it as old patterns then I go beyond.  As I do this for myself I change my ancestral patterning and my life experience.

As I practice gratitude for what surrounds me and I let go of the desire to have anything other than what surrounds me, I come into the present.  That is what this whole thing is about right? This eternal evolving moment.

 

 

Eastern vs. Western

As the New Year started I was going through my on again off again “What is my purpose?” phase. In my angst, I intuitively decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

On the second visit I was telling him things like “I just get bored of things easily”.  My focus wasn’t up to par.  He then stated, “Kat, you know it sounds like you have ADD”. When I was in high school I took some of my friend’s Adderall and did my homework at super human speed.  I personally have always had an aversion to any type of stimulate. I, of course, wanted to know what causes the experience of ADD.  He explained that it is a low level of Dopamine, a chemical the brain produces.  I came home and began my research on Dopamine and Amphetamines.

Dopamine is the “motivation” or “pleasure” chemical. The truth is the complexities of the chemical happenings in our brain are beyond incredible.  The best part is we don’t have to think about it, it happens by the Divine Intelligence of our bodies.  As we educate ourselves on how all of these happenings work, then we are really empowered.  Deepak Chopra simply says, “Knowledge has organizing power”.

The next day after my psychiatric appointment I had my third appointment with my acupuncturist.  I had the same talk with her as with my psychiatrist.  I told her of my woes of purpose in life, lack of motivation and uncertainty of where I wanted to move in the direction of.  She would smile and give a compassionate response.  Because of the energy meridians opening, tears would well up in my eyes and I would feel heaviness in my heart.  I was alert and present to the feeling.  I have studied the ancient knowledge of Traditional Chinese Medicine.  I knew about how the tongue can give us a glimpse of what is going on inside of our organs.

My tongue has always had indent markings on the side. It looks like my tongue is swollen and pressing up against my teeth at a pretty intense pressure.  TCM states that this is a result of yang and Qi deficiency.  Yin the cooling feminine aspect and yang is the warming masculine aspect. Knowing that my tendency and constitution is heavier on the Yin side it is important for me to balance my energies with Yang practices.

With the help of the Eastern philosophy and Western Intellectualism I am now in a place to learn to be ok with the energy I so vehemently had an aversion to.  I decided not to take the to drink a cup of Bulletproof coffee with coconut oil and Ghee to jumpstart.  To be clear, you don’t need coffee to stimulate Dopamine.  I simply want to learn this energy and this is how I am choosing to do it at this moment in time. You stimulate Dopamine by sleeping enough, eating right and exercising.  But I have always had an affinity with the coffee culture and always secretly desired to be a part of the coffee club.  With my newfound courage to be ok with the fire energy I can take part in this warming action energy.  I can build the digestive fire while all the while building the fire to put my dreams into action.  As I build my digestion I will be able to have my body working at optimal levels so that my brain can produce the correct balance of chemicals.  Remembering all the while this is a journey and I am grateful to be on it.

The Unknown

What is it like to live in the unknown and be ok?  What if the universe is creating all of the experiences that you need for your evolution as you?  Your part is to go with what is being created.  So often we go against what has been created. The universe is the organized essence that takes care of every single event that happens in the universe. So that is why we may not experience exactly what we want, when we want it. We must remember that everything is unfolding at the perfect timing in conjunction with the whole. Everything that seems out of order is exactly a part of what needs to happen for the whole. When you are feeling off or disappointed, find a way to be present to what you are feeling. Notice with an observing presence. Knowing that it will pass. We attach and hold on to these passing emotions. By doing that, the energy gets stuck in our energetic field and make us feel heavy.  We feel resistance to what the universe has created because it may not match what we expect.  If we can just trust that everything is  exactly as it should be, those moment of discomfort could turn into a much easier experience.

You Are That

You are always safe. You know why you are always safe? Because we are all in this together.  There is one existence.  There is only the illusion of separateness.  I mean can you really grasp this at this moment. Really feel that and know that and expand your awareness out and look at the world and say I am that. All of the kind things people do for you are actually you doing it for yourself.  So strange isn’t it?  After all these years you thought you were poor little me, all alone in the world.

There is this interconnected great mind, I really like the idea of an invisible string.  It gives you the ability to almost put form on it.  Because you can’t see it, hear it or touch it is is quite challenging to understand.  Imagine that each of us is connected by this invisible string and that string is a like a tube.  That tube has information running through it like the internet.  Unlike the internet though, the information is pure.  We have access to this information always.  Sometimes though, we pinch it off and the information stops flowing.  Although we are always connected, it is our own doing that pinches ourself off.  We do this by going against the flow of what is manifesting and it clogs our pipe.  Even though you are pinched off, that string is a part of you so I can never separate from you.  So when you are in despair, remember that you are connected to everyone by this universal mind.  Just by knowing this you are opening the flow and allowing yourself to connect to everyone in the entire universe.  Then you will begin to experience synchronicities and things just working out perfectly.  It will begin to feel magical.  You remember that you are great and powerful and there isn’t much doing that needs to be done.  It is a journey of attention and perception.  You are that cloud in the sky, you are the wind blowing…you are that.

Ex Conspiracy Theorist

In the early stages of my awakening I remember being quite involved in opposing and whining about our governments.  I watched and read everything that concerned conspiracy theories and spoke about them with everyone. I felt it was my need to inform everyone of the act of crime that were being committed upon us, we were victims of horrific violence.  Everyday I would walk outside and see the chemtrails and feel so much anger inside of me, we were victims of silent warfare.  GMOS are now the hot topic.  I was looking at things happening outside of me and feeling incredibly helpless.  This is a part of the process, we look at the world and see what we have created and we are not pleased.  Complaining about our government reminds us of our freedom of speech.  This freedom is our natural state.  We also have the freedom to create new a new paradigm, which we are so beautifully doing.  Resonating with the freedom aspect of ourselves, we expand and break out of the jail cell we have created. We create not by focusing on what is wrong, because in doing that we only give energy to and create more of what we don’t want.  Creation happens by allowing the universal energy to move through us and we are inspired to take action.  Seeing that all of this is a reflection of our collective consciousness that is pushing us create new systems.  To feel that we are having this experience to show us that we do not yet fully understand our unity of all things.  Turn on the light and all darkness is dispelled.  Lets teach each other by example.  Forgiving ourselves. We all have one very important thing in common and that is we are everything, we are connected by the space in between.  Our true self. Let us focus on the truth of remembering our who we really are.  Allowing the divine to flow through us with new ideas and most of all standing tall in our own sovereignty.

The World

To be in balance with the spiritual and the world of the manifested is the ultimate peace and happiness.  Why? Because its take you out of ego, which is object concerned only. When we become attached to this physical world including thought and experience, we have forgotten the source of it all.  This is where most of humanity is today and we are waking up.  The beyond is watching with excitement as we become more.  It may take years of spiritual discipline and a desire to shift your experience or it may take one moment of satori to be in union with this.  You may know this but until you really know, you will still have questions.  When you truly have touched the realm of the unknown,  you will know your connection to all and your questioning will cease.  Everything is stitched together by an invisible string.  There is an underlying awareness that you carry with you everywhere.  An awareness of space, nothingness, the invisible.  It is greater than you but also part of you.  Being cognizant that even thoughts are things, they are vibrations just as solid objects are dense vibrations.  These dense vibrations came into being first by thought.  You lean on this invisible source where everything originates from.  If you want to feel this in your body then feel the energy that gives life to you. You are in harmony with the world and spirit when you can touch space.  You can safely let go, creation is creating and destroying and this is ok with you.  You remember who you are and you keep remembering until that remembering becomes your constant state.  In that constant state, the world floats by as you watch in awe.

Mantra in Motion

Kundalini yoga is the yoga of awareness. What does that mean? It means as you practice Kundalini yoga you release old subconscious habits that no longer serve you. It works in increments and subtle levels so we shed the layers that prevent the experience of our Sat Nam. Sat Nam means truth is my identity.  You may wonder what that means but I will leave that up to you to contemplate.  Kundalini Yoga is a comprehensive technology to live your full potential. We use mantra (sound vibration), asana (posture), pranayam (breath), meditation (infinity talks to man) and many more technologies to open you to your own divinity.  We use mantra to increase our vibration and shift consciousness.  It is a tool to keep the mind still and cleanse subconscious thoughts.  I am living and working in Bangkok, Thailand at the moment and my life is quite different here.  At the moment I do not have to luxury of going to a group class like I do in Los Angeles.  At first thought I felt this to be such a tragedy. I understand now that the universe brought me here to teach me many things.  I am able to utilize the technologies that were given to us by Yogi Bhajan.  As I ride my bike here in Bangkok, there are many outside circumstances I must be aware of.  One, stray dogs here may bite you.  Two, your bag in the your basket may get snatched.  Three, you may be swiped down by a serious Bangkok driver.  As I remember the power of mantra, I just begin chanting Aad Guray Nameh, Jugaad Guray Nameh.  There is magic in this.  You just repeat the mantra focusing your awareness at the middle of your brow.  This is the mantra of protection, you chant and feel protected.  Don’t worry if it feels like too much to learn, you just set the intention and listen. Remember Kundalini Yoga is a technology of the human.  It is a your universal toolbox to navigate through your beautiful life experience.