The World

To be in balance with the spiritual and the world of the manifested is the ultimate peace and happiness.  Why? Because its take you out of ego, which is object concerned only. When we become attached to this physical world including thought and experience, we have forgotten the source of it all.  This is where most of humanity is today and we are waking up.  The beyond is watching with excitement as we become more.  It may take years of spiritual discipline and a desire to shift your experience or it may take one moment of satori to be in union with this.  You may know this but until you really know, you will still have questions.  When you truly have touched the realm of the unknown,  you will know your connection to all and your questioning will cease.  Everything is stitched together by an invisible string.  There is an underlying awareness that you carry with you everywhere.  An awareness of space, nothingness, the invisible.  It is greater than you but also part of you.  Being cognizant that even thoughts are things, they are vibrations just as solid objects are dense vibrations.  These dense vibrations came into being first by thought.  You lean on this invisible source where everything originates from.  If you want to feel this in your body then feel the energy that gives life to you. You are in harmony with the world and spirit when you can touch space.  You can safely let go, creation is creating and destroying and this is ok with you.  You remember who you are and you keep remembering until that remembering becomes your constant state.  In that constant state, the world floats by as you watch in awe.

Dear Dad

When I began this blog I called it Candid Expressions of a Modern Kundalini Yogette for a reason.  My desire was to express myself from the depths of my heart.  Selfishly actually, because I have learned that expression is quite an important part of this journey.  As we repress feelings of sadness down, they get thick and build up like plaque on the walls of arteries.  This is how heart attacks happen.  For years I have repressed so many feelings and resentments in my being and all in perfection.  What fun it has been to uncover and learn through those experiences. How incredibly amazing technology is that I can share myself with beings all around the world and through doing that heal myself. Here I share a letter to my beloved Dad…

Dear Da Da,

I know I am a little late for Father’s Day but I didn’t think to write you a letter until now.  I want to write you a letter to tell you how I feel. As I write this, I have tears in my eyes.  I have to admit anytime I think of you, I get emotional. You and I have been through a lot together.  A part of me has shoved those years down because of the trauma you and I have been through.  When I think of everything we have been through I realize that we needed to go through all of that. I think all of the pain has catapulted me into where I am today.  Today I am a woman who is working on herself to inspire others to heal their pain as well.  I know that you had a tough life and being in the war impacted you greatly.  I don’t think any man should have to endure what you did.  I don’t think Veterans get anywhere near the amount of respect you deserve.  As much as I do not agree with war, I do understand that this is where humanity is in its evolution.  I hope when my kids grow up, that war will be a part of history.  I remember when I was young and you tried so hard to teach me things.  I was resistant and maybe for a reason.  Maybe I was not supposed to be the Wimbledon star you wanted me to be.  I appreciate the things you took the time out to teach me such as riding a bike, swimming and how you encouraged me to play tennis. Do you remember when I wanted to knit so bad? I laugh so hard when I think of that.  You taught me my sense of humor and I am honored to have your sense of humor. I know things have not been easy for you but I think you are beginning to soften up in this time in your life.  It is beautiful to see you soften.  I remember your charm as a child and your boldness.  I never understood you as a child and now I hope to take on your ability to just not care what anyone thinks of you.  Being such a sensitive child and I know you worried about that for me. Please know that you do not have to worry about me.  I am a human being and life is going to throw curveballs at me but I know now that things always work out.  The natural proclivity of any parent is to worry and I guess I cannot judge it until I become a parent.  My hope is that me writing you this letter will help to ease your worry.  My soul knows that you did the best you could and for that I am eternally grateful to you.  I can’t imagine what it is like to raise a little girl all on your own.  I know we both made mistakes but really there are no mistakes, just opportunities for growth.  I want you to know that I think the world of you and see your greatness.  You are a great man and I am honored to be your daughter.

Love,

T Baby

Seeing Beyond

When someone you love has betrayed you or someone has said something that hurts you, to see their light is to see beyond your psyche.  To be able to see the connection, to see their part in your evolution.  Having compassion means to look at another wounded mind and recognize it as their mind not as them.  Seeing beyond the illusion and looking at their soul.  Rumi said “Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there”.  That field is neutrality, that field is nothingness.  To see another being for the love that they truly are is the highest path.  It is also the hardest damn thing to do…we must laugh here.  I have been practicing this on a few people in my life, it takes great awareness to practice this.  A huge part of me want to focus on the things they said or did. I catch myself and begin again by focusing my awareness on the light in their beautiful soul.  I see them as a great teacher, almost as if I had chosen them and the circumstance for my higher evolution.  I see the bigger picture, I feel the pain with the knowing that it will soon pass and a new experience will unfold.  Everyone, yes everyone, no exceptions is a part of this whole. Nothing is separate, no event is not meant to be.  Can you find one person that has hurt you and see the light within them rather than the illusion that you believe in?

 

Somatic

C.S. Lewis said “You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” I personally have become so entangled with my somatic problems.  I obsess over every little blemish, bloat or pain.  Upon my awakening and spiritual path I learned that outside circumstances have nothing to do with me and who I truly am.  Who I am truly am is the one who watches, the timeless and untouchable nothingness. These are merely events that I experience.  Although I know this I was still convinced, until now, that my body was me.  How could it not be? My soul was occupying this space, it goes with me everywhere.  I am drawn into every ache, itch and anything that was slightly off balance.  I feel shame about my imperfections.  My thoughts wonder what I did wrong for this imbalance in the body to manifest.  I fumble back into the past and feel regret and sadness for the toxic chemicals I put into my body.  Then I had the realization that I am not my body and these aches and pains are a part of this awakening to the true self.  The true self does not fear pain, it faces fear with great courage and tenacity.  The realization that I am not my body has been the hidden secret because of my unrelenting  attachment to it.   I am not  flesh, blood and bone but the energy that pervades this physical body.  There is a part of you that welcomes pain and change because it knows on the other side is growth if you chose it.  As we go into this new age we understand that time is speeding up and manifestation is happening at much faster rates.  The more that we can go with this ebb and flow we can open up to the powerful energy that is being sent here on Earth.  I will now connect to the universal energy that is running through my vessel and allow it to flow.  I trust that my health depends solely on this energy to flow, it is that simple.

Hey

Hey. Let’s stop bringing up each others faults.  Let’s stop criticizing others for past behaviors.  It is in the past.  We are ever changing and evolving.  You simply cannot doom someone for something they said or did when they were unconscious.  Do we really want to take your loved ones on a guilt trip?  Guilt trips are expensive in the end. What you do to another, you are doing to yourself.  Let us stop the cycle of guilt.  Let us be in the moment and praise one another.  We are all doing our best at any and all moments.  Our purpose is to release judgment. Each moment is a fresh new start.

 

Forgetting and Remembering…

I am utterly in love with awakening and healing and yet it can be so painful to see your wounds in all of their disgusting glory.  I forget all too often on this journey, I must admit. The moments of remembering just how truly divine I am are the greatest blessings. I say to myself “Oh that is who I am, how could I forget again”.  My feelings of separateness fade away and I am washed in love.  I believe this remembering and forgetting is a part of this shift.  I know this because every single moment is exactly the perfect unfolding of our experience. I am watchful to this knowing, the signs are ubiquitous.  I remember that you are me and I am you.  When I condemn another, I condemn myself.  Your heart is my heart.  When I feel this love, the compassion in my heart in unbearable.  For soon, we will not be afraid anymore.  We will remember and bask in the unity for a great while.  Remaining unattached, knowing that the cycle will end and begin again.

Time

There are two types of people in the world, the ones that are always on time and the ones who are always late.  I am the always on time person, I am a rule follower.  When I was a kid my dad would say “Get up, you’re going to be late!”.  I had so much time but he was so worried I would be late for school. My dad was in the Army, he was conditioned in this way and the information was just passed along. He did the best he could with what he knew. Our parents always do, we can be easier on them.  This conditioning however, shaped me to be like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.  I have this sense of urgency all the time.  It is this feeling that there isn’t enough time and this takes me out of the present.  I do things in a rush for fear of not having enough time. I recently hurt my back and the injury keeps popping up again and again.  Everything in the physical body is a reflection of some type of resistance or resentment.  I realized this injury is due to the fact that I move too fast, I am in a rush.  I have been conditioned to be in a race with time.  But time is an illusion, everything is now.   What is going on behind this energy is the fear of death.  This fear of death is always lurking in the dark corners of our mind.  The egos biggest fear is to die.  The soul knows it is eternal but when we are not connected to our true self how can we know this?

We are constantly reminded that time is running out subliminally.  We can begin to relax when we remember and truly practice the knowing that we are eternal.  Beginning to feel our feet on the ground as we walk, feel the water running through our hands and we can truly listen to another without thinking of how we are going to respond.  We make little adjustments each day to be more in the moment and more in our bodies. Reminding ourselves that we don’t have to be perfect, just set the intention to become more aware.  We trust that all is perfect and we are always exactly where we need to be. There is no place to go, we are here and now always.

Welcome

If you have read my other blog entries then you probably get the sense I am curious and intrigued by darkness.  I feel it deeply and have a passion for understanding it.  I have come to learn and accept that it is necessary. I received a feeling during a moment of darkness that felt warming, almost as if I enjoyed the pain?  I felt as though I was welcoming it.  I was not resisting it, but not only that, I was enjoying it.  Recognizing that the darkness is a part of me on a deeper level than I had previously known.  We all have shadow parts of ourselves and we have been conditioned to feel shame around our dark parts.  This shame separates us from each other, we feel isolated.  Its as if no one had ever felt the pain that we are feeling, which is so far from truth. We begin to honor each part of ourselves, remembering that none of it is us.  The true self is nothingness.  It can be hard to grasp this when we have been trained to be so involved in physical form and dismissing the other side, which is spirit.  Can we begin to welcome it all, enjoy it all?  Learn to be ok with the fact that really we are nothingness?

Thank You

We live in a world of duality, of darkness and light.  The experiences of each individual is ever changing and to live in peace it would behoove us to go with these tides of change.  Most of us have this natural proclivity to cling to significant experiences or people.  We do this unconsciously, we do things we don’t want to do for fear of the unknown.  If we only believed that once we truly let go of the people and things that do not serve us we can make room for new exciting people and experiences to flood in.  When you are in pain, you are really asking for something new and better. Abraham hicks teaches us this.  Contrast shows us what we do not want and gives birth to what we do want.  I have always had this thought that you forget pain once it is over. I remember times in my life where I have experienced excruciating physical pain and emotional pain and yet I do not remember it.  I can look back on that timeline but it is not in the present moment, it is gone with the wind.  I do not actually feel it, I can only remember it.  So next time you are in that excruciating pain and asking for the pain to go away be so present in it and go to your heart, KNOW that this will be a page in history.  The important piece of this is giving thanks once it is over. Also feel appreciation for the darkness for bringing you to the light.  Giving thanks darkness for giving you the gift of growth. Go to your heart center and feel the appreciation for the sun coming out and drying up the rain.  Yogi Bhajan says “An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”  When you are truly grateful from your heart, you feel love.  Connection to the divine and in love with it all.  So this is about saying thank you with your heart.

 

Mixed Signals

You can call it ambivalence, capriciousness or being fickle.  Whatever the term, it is indecision that keeps us going back and forth.  It is a feeling of not knowing.  We have all had this experience and sometimes very often.  It even happens in the little decisions we make each day such as what we are going to eat, what we are going to wear or what career to chose.  This ambivalence is giving the universe mixed signals.   This is how it works, you decide you want something or would like to experience something.  The universe then starts conjuring up all of the circumstances and people needed to make this happen.  You then start to worry that it is not coming, you believe you do not deserve it or you may change your mind for no good reason at all.  You have now dropped out of the vibration for the universe to bring this thing that you want to you.  All of those circumstances are now changing to fit what you are feeling which is an unsure feeling.  What you can do is make a decision on what you want, feel appreciation for it.  Trust so deeply that it is yours. This part if huge, just sit and watch what happens.  It may or may not look exactly look like what you pictured. Can you just make a decision and trust that no matter what road you take they all take you to exactly where you need to be?  Follow what feels good, its quite simple. Beginning to trust the feeling in your heart center.  The more you trust your feelings, the stronger and more clear they become.