You are the Universe and I am the Universe

As I begin to watch my mind more and more I notice all the ways in which my ego shows up. One of the most interesting to me at this moment is when my ego feels superior or inferior. I notice how when I say something that I feel the other person my not know, I feel as if I am one up on that person.  Intellectual or spiritual knowledge can be one of the most cunning ways in which the ego shows up.  It’s this feeling that wells up inside as if because I know more I am better, I am safe.  The superior ego shows up in those moments of victory.

The inferior ego shows up when I feel that I am not good enough.  Everyone seems to do it better than me and everyone is smarter than me.  It shows up in those moments of “that was not a victory”.

Those are the two extremes of our relationships with others.  Relationships are how we relate to ourselves.  Now that I am beginning to see what it does, I am able to disconnect to the hold it has on my energy.  A great way to transmute this energy is first by recognizing it in yourself and look at everyone you see and say, “You are the Universe and I am Universe” or “ You are God and I am God”.

I am not attached to those feelings anymore. I am just watching and laughing.   Laughing at the interesting ways in which I pretend as if I am not loved, safe and one with all that is.

Dear Dad

When I began this blog I called it Candid Expressions of a Modern Kundalini Yogette for a reason.  My desire was to express myself from the depths of my heart.  Selfishly actually, because I have learned that expression is quite an important part of this journey.  As we repress feelings of sadness down, they get thick and build up like plaque on the walls of arteries.  This is how heart attacks happen.  For years I have repressed so many feelings and resentments in my being and all in perfection.  What fun it has been to uncover and learn through those experiences. How incredibly amazing technology is that I can share myself with beings all around the world and through doing that heal myself. Here I share a letter to my beloved Dad…

Dear Da Da,

I know I am a little late for Father’s Day but I didn’t think to write you a letter until now.  I want to write you a letter to tell you how I feel. As I write this, I have tears in my eyes.  I have to admit anytime I think of you, I get emotional. You and I have been through a lot together.  A part of me has shoved those years down because of the trauma you and I have been through.  When I think of everything we have been through I realize that we needed to go through all of that. I think all of the pain has catapulted me into where I am today.  Today I am a woman who is working on herself to inspire others to heal their pain as well.  I know that you had a tough life and being in the war impacted you greatly.  I don’t think any man should have to endure what you did.  I don’t think Veterans get anywhere near the amount of respect you deserve.  As much as I do not agree with war, I do understand that this is where humanity is in its evolution.  I hope when my kids grow up, that war will be a part of history.  I remember when I was young and you tried so hard to teach me things.  I was resistant and maybe for a reason.  Maybe I was not supposed to be the Wimbledon star you wanted me to be.  I appreciate the things you took the time out to teach me such as riding a bike, swimming and how you encouraged me to play tennis. Do you remember when I wanted to knit so bad? I laugh so hard when I think of that.  You taught me my sense of humor and I am honored to have your sense of humor. I know things have not been easy for you but I think you are beginning to soften up in this time in your life.  It is beautiful to see you soften.  I remember your charm as a child and your boldness.  I never understood you as a child and now I hope to take on your ability to just not care what anyone thinks of you.  Being such a sensitive child and I know you worried about that for me. Please know that you do not have to worry about me.  I am a human being and life is going to throw curveballs at me but I know now that things always work out.  The natural proclivity of any parent is to worry and I guess I cannot judge it until I become a parent.  My hope is that me writing you this letter will help to ease your worry.  My soul knows that you did the best you could and for that I am eternally grateful to you.  I can’t imagine what it is like to raise a little girl all on your own.  I know we both made mistakes but really there are no mistakes, just opportunities for growth.  I want you to know that I think the world of you and see your greatness.  You are a great man and I am honored to be your daughter.

Love,

T Baby

Seeing Beyond

When someone you love has betrayed you or someone has said something that hurts you, to see their light is to see beyond your psyche.  To be able to see the connection, to see their part in your evolution.  Having compassion means to look at another wounded mind and recognize it as their mind not as them.  Seeing beyond the illusion and looking at their soul.  Rumi said “Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there”.  That field is neutrality, that field is nothingness.  To see another being for the love that they truly are is the highest path.  It is also the hardest damn thing to do…we must laugh here.  I have been practicing this on a few people in my life, it takes great awareness to practice this.  A huge part of me want to focus on the things they said or did. I catch myself and begin again by focusing my awareness on the light in their beautiful soul.  I see them as a great teacher, almost as if I had chosen them and the circumstance for my higher evolution.  I see the bigger picture, I feel the pain with the knowing that it will soon pass and a new experience will unfold.  Everyone, yes everyone, no exceptions is a part of this whole. Nothing is separate, no event is not meant to be.  Can you find one person that has hurt you and see the light within them rather than the illusion that you believe in?

 

Sweet Talk

Next time you catch yourself in some self talk start sweet talking yourself.  You find yourself talking to yourself about how you don’t want to be where you are.  The panic and the dread come up to play and you start feeling terrible about all of the decisions you have made.  This is called resistance. Every spiritual text talks about resistance. It is the mind wanting to solve the so called “problem” that you have.  As you start to become more cognizant of the patterns of your own mind you can begin to shift those patterns of thought.  I start by dialoging with myself that I am eternal and this is just a moment that I am going through, very soon this will pass and I will have a new experience.  You can tell yourself that you are being guided and all is and will be well.  It is ok to feel these feelings. We are on planet Earth where we have been gifted the ability to experience the gamut of emotions.  This makes for more fun and growth.  I know it is tough to see it in that way when we are in a strong resistance moment.  Just sweet talk yourself, tell yourself that you are doing great and good things are always coming to you.  Be patient by loving every moment with the deep trust that everything you have ever dreamed of is being conjured up by the universe.  You are exactly where you are supposed to be.  Sweeten that resistance.