For Life

The moment I began my journey to healing my physical body I have been told I am toxic.  Doctors and healers have told me I am full of candida, bad bacteria and parasites.  The barrage of articles on the Internet tells me I need to cleanse and kill the bad bacteria. In the New Age community, the words “detox” and “cleanse” are such commonly used words.

Why should I accept the idea that I am “toxic and need to cleanse”? What if I stopped trying fight the bad guys and brought in the good guys?  What I am saying is that you can’t fight darkness with darkness you can only bring in the light.  What if I stopped believing that my body was toxic while putting herbs, vinegars and other detox formulas to kill the bad bacteria but instead inoculated myself with pro-biotics? The Latin preposition “pro”, meaning “for” and the Greek adjective “biotic”, meaning life, which translates to for life.  By flooding my body with light and life the darkness is immediately dissipated.

It really comes down to what I believe about my body, mind and spirit.  Do I believe that I am toxic and need to cleanse?  For so long, yes I have believed that.  These beliefs are based on guilt and shame for my past decisions.  These decisions were based on spiritual unconsciousness.  As I forgive myself for what I previously judged as “bad decisions” I come into the present and let go of the guilt and shame.   I see it all as necessary for the expansion of my compassion and consciousness.

I now understand that flooding my body and mind with positive thoughts and good bacteria I become light.  The truth of who I am is light and goodness.  The heavy energy and toxicity that I felt is just what I have believed about myself for so long until now.  Of course that is perfect for my journey, for as I know deep in my heart how can I know light without the experience of darkness?

Choices and Changes

I believe that we chose our parents so that we could have the exact experience we needed to have to learn the lessons we needed to learn.  My parents have always been loving and supportive.   They have really allowed me to be me without pressuring me to be something that they wanted me to be.  I can feel that they love me deeply just like most parents love their child.

They have also always been worriers. I can understand why they worry.  I can see where their conditioning came from.   I can see that both of them come from scarcity consciousness.  It not by choice but just by the life circumstances that were presented to them.  There was never enough.  I remember by dad would say to me in the morning before school “You better get to school or you are going to be living on the street in a box”.  I see where he was coming from, he was concerned for my well being.  I think he felt worried because if I couldn’t provide for myself he knew he couldn’t help me as much as he wanted to.  It all came from love but as a young impressionable child this shaped my psyche. For the rest of my adult life I would live in constant fear of not being supported.

My psyche has drastically changed in the past five years from practicing Kundalini Yoga and Reiki.  I have gone deep into my belief systems and made some changes in those neurotransmitters.  It is a slow and steady process but anything worth anything takes time and patience.  As you begin to awaken you think things will get easier as you start to vibrate on a higher vibration; this is not actually the case.  When you start to emit a higher frequency your old stuff that doesn’t resonate with that high vibrational frequency gets triggered.  At first you will feel like you aren’t doing it right and then you drop in frequency and whatever situation you are looking to manifest doesn’t come to  you because you have dropped out of that frequency.

What I have realized is that every time I talk to my parents and tell them that I may be having a hard time they go into worry frequency and I naturally pick up on that and start vibrating at that old familiar feeling.

My new awareness is to be present to those triggers and be aware of the feelings that arise and again like everything see it from the higher self’s perspective.  As I practice this more and more I have the opportunity to transmute those energies.  I notice how activated I get when my dad asks me if I am going to be able to pay my rent.  If I can be present enough to find that compassion in me for him and see it as old patterns then I go beyond.  As I do this for myself I change my ancestral patterning and my life experience.

As I practice gratitude for what surrounds me and I let go of the desire to have anything other than what surrounds me, I come into the present.  That is what this whole thing is about right? This eternal evolving moment.

 

 

Bird’s Eye View

Changing your perspective is a gradual process. The process we are going through is a collective experience of learning a new language. The language is love. We are moving from the head to the heart. The pains of birth are excruciating and bloody. We are being born, and once again remembering who we are.

As your consciousness expands you begin to see everything from a broader perspective. Continuing to think expansive thoughts and intentionally changing the reoccurring thoughts which make up your belief systems. We begin to change our narrow minded linear perspective to a bird’s eye view and see everything occurring in perfect timing. We soften our resistance by changing our thoughts to this broader perspective. Because this is a gradual process, life experience will give you what you need to practice this new way of seeing. The key is to allow the incremental process of transformation with that continued perspective. Eventually you will be a place where you are watching it all with a deep knowing that all is perfect.

 

Humbled

I love the quote “Life will give you whatever experience is the most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness” –Eckhart Tolle. That is a deep statement. As we step into a desire to become more expansive, life experiences arise so that we may have the experience and cultivate a new perspective. The experience life has given me in the past year or so is the experience of not having very much money, having just enough or sometimes even the feeling of not having enough. This is a quite a humbling experience. You begin to think back to the times you judged your friends for not having the money to go to dinner or join you at an event and wish you didn’t. As a person on the path seeking you begin to look to the belief systems you carry that prevent your experience of abundance. You realize that you have been conditioned by someone or some experience in the past to come from a place of lack consciousness. It is your choice to transmute those beliefs systems and have the courage to move through the pain of processing the suffering.

There are many lessons to learn during this experience.  I opened up to the idea that there are many free resources that I felt I was too good to open up to when I had the money to do them. It is possible to cook at home most of the time.  I was forced to cancel my yoga membership. One month later I was offered a position to teach at Golden Bridge, so as a teacher I practice for free as an employee. I bartered with massage therapists trading Reiki treatments for massages.  Taking cash out and giving myself a budget each week helps me to be mindful of what I spend. I decided to put myself out there like I never did before. I sent in my resume to jobs I never would have thought I would. I took action while all the time trusting all is perfect. I cried. I panicked. I thought moving away would solve my financial problems.

Then I realized this is exactly what I needed to learn to grow to have compassion. The abundance lies in your experiences. Your self worth is not defined by the amount of money you have in your account but by your connection to the absolute Divine that is within you. You are the Universe and the Universe is abundance. Count your abundance in all of the ways you see it. Feel the gratitude for all that surrounds you. Focus there. Put all of your awareness on the gratitude for this life experience and be excited for what is coming.

 

 

The Kind of Abundance I Want to Cultivate

I truly believe in the statement “It is all perfect”. Some of my friends think I am a bit silly when I say this.  I can see why it seems silly.  My reasoning behind liking this is because it helps you to see everything as the best possible scenario. When you see a circumstance in this way, you accept it fully and add a positive spin on it.  How awesome is that?  You created it so its perfect for what you are needing in this moment.  The reason we experience pain is because we are getting in the way.  Our higher self is doing all of the connecting and sorting.  Our physical mind’s role is to have perspective.  So the best things we can do is have a great perspective right?

I took a big risk and came to Bangkok, Thailand for a job that was not guaranteed.  I gave up my apartment, my dog and security to take an adventure. I came here with just enough money to pay my bills back home during the three months I was going to stay here. In my mind, I really had a feeling I was going to go home with tons of money in my account.  That three months is coming to an end and I will be going home with no dollars in my account.  There was major fear when this first came to my attention and to add a little tiny bit of resentment. I came all the way across the world to work very hard and go home with no money?  Although I am going home with no dollars in my account, I am going home with so much abundance that money cannot buy.

The experiences and realizations that I have had here are incredibly enriching.  I meet the unknown here, I thought I knew what God was, and now it has integrated.  I have talked about the Divine, Source Energy or whatever you want to call it for years. It was still something that was elusive to me until now. I now have a relationship with Source Energy.  I know it is the invisible mind that we are all connected to, the un-namable.  The one who is creating, it is not outside of me but the bigger part of me as Abraham Hicks teaches.  I learned how to sweat, how to truly be ok with sweating. If you know me, I abhor sweating.  This is huge for me.  My blog was created here. I found a special coffee shop nearby that I ride my bike to and just sat down and started writing.  I never wrote before in my life and now I wonder how I survived without this outlet.  I met a dear friend at that coffee shop that brought me to Buddhist Meditations and great temples like Ayutaya.  She is a friend for life that I cherish so deeply.  I learned to chew my food, to really chew my food.  To make sure that the enzymes are activated so I put less stress on my stomach.  Yogi Bhajan says “You don’t have teeth in your stomach”.  I wondered why I was bloated so often.  Food that isn’t properly masticated rots in your stomach and is breeding ground for bacteria. Gross, I know. Unless you are chewing your food until is liquid then you have problems.  You learn that you don’t need to eat as much when you really take the time to chew your food.  I learned that LA traffic is not that bad in comparison to Bangkok. I look forward to sitting in my Mini on the 101. Let’s hope this awareness stays with me for a while when I return.

That amount of abundance surpasses anything I could have every dreamed of.  I am going home with so much abundance in my heart.  I can feel the abundance that is pouring over me.  That is the kind of abundance I want to cultivate.

Some of the photos I took at this magical place…

Thank You

We live in a world of duality, of darkness and light.  The experiences of each individual is ever changing and to live in peace it would behoove us to go with these tides of change.  Most of us have this natural proclivity to cling to significant experiences or people.  We do this unconsciously, we do things we don’t want to do for fear of the unknown.  If we only believed that once we truly let go of the people and things that do not serve us we can make room for new exciting people and experiences to flood in.  When you are in pain, you are really asking for something new and better. Abraham hicks teaches us this.  Contrast shows us what we do not want and gives birth to what we do want.  I have always had this thought that you forget pain once it is over. I remember times in my life where I have experienced excruciating physical pain and emotional pain and yet I do not remember it.  I can look back on that timeline but it is not in the present moment, it is gone with the wind.  I do not actually feel it, I can only remember it.  So next time you are in that excruciating pain and asking for the pain to go away be so present in it and go to your heart, KNOW that this will be a page in history.  The important piece of this is giving thanks once it is over. Also feel appreciation for the darkness for bringing you to the light.  Giving thanks darkness for giving you the gift of growth. Go to your heart center and feel the appreciation for the sun coming out and drying up the rain.  Yogi Bhajan says “An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”  When you are truly grateful from your heart, you feel love.  Connection to the divine and in love with it all.  So this is about saying thank you with your heart.