Humbled

I love the quote “Life will give you whatever experience is the most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness” –Eckhart Tolle. That is a deep statement. As we step into a desire to become more expansive, life experiences arise so that we may have the experience and cultivate a new perspective. The experience life has given me in the past year or so is the experience of not having very much money, having just enough or sometimes even the feeling of not having enough. This is a quite a humbling experience. You begin to think back to the times you judged your friends for not having the money to go to dinner or join you at an event and wish you didn’t. As a person on the path seeking you begin to look to the belief systems you carry that prevent your experience of abundance. You realize that you have been conditioned by someone or some experience in the past to come from a place of lack consciousness. It is your choice to transmute those beliefs systems and have the courage to move through the pain of processing the suffering.

There are many lessons to learn during this experience.  I opened up to the idea that there are many free resources that I felt I was too good to open up to when I had the money to do them. It is possible to cook at home most of the time.  I was forced to cancel my yoga membership. One month later I was offered a position to teach at Golden Bridge, so as a teacher I practice for free as an employee. I bartered with massage therapists trading Reiki treatments for massages.  Taking cash out and giving myself a budget each week helps me to be mindful of what I spend. I decided to put myself out there like I never did before. I sent in my resume to jobs I never would have thought I would. I took action while all the time trusting all is perfect. I cried. I panicked. I thought moving away would solve my financial problems.

Then I realized this is exactly what I needed to learn to grow to have compassion. The abundance lies in your experiences. Your self worth is not defined by the amount of money you have in your account but by your connection to the absolute Divine that is within you. You are the Universe and the Universe is abundance. Count your abundance in all of the ways you see it. Feel the gratitude for all that surrounds you. Focus there. Put all of your awareness on the gratitude for this life experience and be excited for what is coming.

 

 

Eastern vs. Western

As the New Year started I was going through my on again off again “What is my purpose?” phase. In my angst, I intuitively decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

On the second visit I was telling him things like “I just get bored of things easily”.  My focus wasn’t up to par.  He then stated, “Kat, you know it sounds like you have ADD”. When I was in high school I took some of my friend’s Adderall and did my homework at super human speed.  I personally have always had an aversion to any type of stimulate. I, of course, wanted to know what causes the experience of ADD.  He explained that it is a low level of Dopamine, a chemical the brain produces.  I came home and began my research on Dopamine and Amphetamines.

Dopamine is the “motivation” or “pleasure” chemical. The truth is the complexities of the chemical happenings in our brain are beyond incredible.  The best part is we don’t have to think about it, it happens by the Divine Intelligence of our bodies.  As we educate ourselves on how all of these happenings work, then we are really empowered.  Deepak Chopra simply says, “Knowledge has organizing power”.

The next day after my psychiatric appointment I had my third appointment with my acupuncturist.  I had the same talk with her as with my psychiatrist.  I told her of my woes of purpose in life, lack of motivation and uncertainty of where I wanted to move in the direction of.  She would smile and give a compassionate response.  Because of the energy meridians opening, tears would well up in my eyes and I would feel heaviness in my heart.  I was alert and present to the feeling.  I have studied the ancient knowledge of Traditional Chinese Medicine.  I knew about how the tongue can give us a glimpse of what is going on inside of our organs.

My tongue has always had indent markings on the side. It looks like my tongue is swollen and pressing up against my teeth at a pretty intense pressure.  TCM states that this is a result of yang and Qi deficiency.  Yin the cooling feminine aspect and yang is the warming masculine aspect. Knowing that my tendency and constitution is heavier on the Yin side it is important for me to balance my energies with Yang practices.

With the help of the Eastern philosophy and Western Intellectualism I am now in a place to learn to be ok with the energy I so vehemently had an aversion to.  I decided not to take the to drink a cup of Bulletproof coffee with coconut oil and Ghee to jumpstart.  To be clear, you don’t need coffee to stimulate Dopamine.  I simply want to learn this energy and this is how I am choosing to do it at this moment in time. You stimulate Dopamine by sleeping enough, eating right and exercising.  But I have always had an affinity with the coffee culture and always secretly desired to be a part of the coffee club.  With my newfound courage to be ok with the fire energy I can take part in this warming action energy.  I can build the digestive fire while all the while building the fire to put my dreams into action.  As I build my digestion I will be able to have my body working at optimal levels so that my brain can produce the correct balance of chemicals.  Remembering all the while this is a journey and I am grateful to be on it.

Thank You

We live in a world of duality, of darkness and light.  The experiences of each individual is ever changing and to live in peace it would behoove us to go with these tides of change.  Most of us have this natural proclivity to cling to significant experiences or people.  We do this unconsciously, we do things we don’t want to do for fear of the unknown.  If we only believed that once we truly let go of the people and things that do not serve us we can make room for new exciting people and experiences to flood in.  When you are in pain, you are really asking for something new and better. Abraham hicks teaches us this.  Contrast shows us what we do not want and gives birth to what we do want.  I have always had this thought that you forget pain once it is over. I remember times in my life where I have experienced excruciating physical pain and emotional pain and yet I do not remember it.  I can look back on that timeline but it is not in the present moment, it is gone with the wind.  I do not actually feel it, I can only remember it.  So next time you are in that excruciating pain and asking for the pain to go away be so present in it and go to your heart, KNOW that this will be a page in history.  The important piece of this is giving thanks once it is over. Also feel appreciation for the darkness for bringing you to the light.  Giving thanks darkness for giving you the gift of growth. Go to your heart center and feel the appreciation for the sun coming out and drying up the rain.  Yogi Bhajan says “An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”  When you are truly grateful from your heart, you feel love.  Connection to the divine and in love with it all.  So this is about saying thank you with your heart.

 

Perfection

I am on the path of self growth. I am human. I am doing my best at any and all moments. I am doing my best to remember to let go. I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I react and worry sometimes.  I will do my best to forgive myself when I feel guilt for not being perfect.  As a yoga teacher and a with this desire to grow I have a tendency to feel major guilt if I am not perfect.  I find those of us working on our selves with purpose of growth tend to be perfectionists.  This can be so detrimental to our growth.  We do not allow for mistakes or blemishes to be ok.  There is this voice in your head that berates you for not being good enough.

So we just begin to be a little easier on ourselves and remind ourselves to find the perfection in imperfection. Can we see everything as perfect in the sense that there is absolutely nothing wrong? We see the tainted world as perfect.  Maybe we can just laugh at ourselves when we make a mistake knowing it is just a blip in time.  Beginning to really pay attention to the voice in your head that is criticizing. Do your best to be nice to yourself.  All it really takes is being a little more aware of what is going on in your head. Those thoughts are not going to go away.  It is however very important to take time our of your day to sit and watch these thoughts.  There are many different types of meditation that you can research and play with.  In fact, you can make all moments of your life a meditation.  When you notice yourself in thought, pause and just witness.  Find a way to actually like the things about yourself that you criticize on a daily basis.  Stop the comparing and competing.  Enhance your own gifts and talents. When you look at another, see what you like in them and appreciate it genuinely. This energy of appreciating will guide you.