Doing, Doing, Doing

When I look around at the world I see a bunch of ants running around doing a bunch of things and in a hurry to do them.  I often ponder if that is our purpose.  I see so much of our society is based on what we are doing or accomplishing.  Is that the real nature of being human? To do, make and create?  I don’t have answers to this.  I have come to realize that I know nothing and the things I think I know are changing or probably will change.  I am just here perceiving how I perceive and doing my best to come to new conclusions with those new perceptions.  I find myself in a place where there is a clean slate and I feel a ton of pressure to figure out what I am going to do now.  I see how everyone has their creation they are working so hard on and with so much passion.  I have a lot of respect for it.  I just don’t have that in this moment and by not having that somehow I have picked up in my subconscious that does not make me worthy. It is so interesting how we have defined our self worth by what we accomplish and do.  In truth, just being is so beyond worthy in itself.  So do I have to have some big project or goal in the pipeline? I feel that my conditioning says yes and it is a big yes.  It is saying “Kat, get off your ass and do something big or you are going to be living in a box on the side of the street”.  There is however a small but tiny voice that says “Just relax Kat, you just do what you feel in this moment and all is unfolding for you perfectly”.  So which voice do I listen to?  I think I will listen to the small tiny voice and see what happens.

 

Patience Is A Virtue

I found myself walking through whole foods the other day feeling irritated at people cutting me off and then noticing myself cutting people off as I walk through the busy isles.  I checked in with myself at that moment and noticed there was space for me to be more conscious, to be more patient.  So often we are running around from one place to the next or not even a place to be and we are in such a hurry.  We become so unaware of the other people around us more often than not.  I find myself saying things like “people annoy me” or “who does this guy think he is?”.  It is the inner resistance voice coming up.  It happens when circumstances are looking stressful in my life experience.  My irritation level is on high alert.  When circumstances are looking good this doesn’t happen so often.  So being more conscious of those moments when those impatient thoughts and feelings come.  I notice those feelings and then in the next moment make a new choice to allow someone to go in front of me or smile at the hard workers.  As we bring more consciousness to these types of inner resistant thoughts we are able to transmute them on a higher level.  It happens of itself over time.  I am the first to admit I get agitated easily and with that brings a greater agent for change.  Bashar says, “It’s the rubber band effect, the further you shoot into the darkness, the further you shoot into the light”.  So do not fret if you find you have a lot of resistance inside of you. 

 

The Unknown

What is it like to live in the unknown and be ok?  What if the universe is creating all of the experiences that you need for your evolution as you?  Your part is to go with what is being created.  So often we go against what has been created. The universe is the organized essence that takes care of every single event that happens in the universe. So that is why we may not experience exactly what we want, when we want it. We must remember that everything is unfolding at the perfect timing in conjunction with the whole. Everything that seems out of order is exactly a part of what needs to happen for the whole. When you are feeling off or disappointed, find a way to be present to what you are feeling. Notice with an observing presence. Knowing that it will pass. We attach and hold on to these passing emotions. By doing that, the energy gets stuck in our energetic field and make us feel heavy.  We feel resistance to what the universe has created because it may not match what we expect.  If we can just trust that everything is  exactly as it should be, those moment of discomfort could turn into a much easier experience.

You Are That

You are always safe. You know why you are always safe? Because we are all in this together.  There is one existence.  There is only the illusion of separateness.  I mean can you really grasp this at this moment. Really feel that and know that and expand your awareness out and look at the world and say I am that. All of the kind things people do for you are actually you doing it for yourself.  So strange isn’t it?  After all these years you thought you were poor little me, all alone in the world.

There is this interconnected great mind, I really like the idea of an invisible string.  It gives you the ability to almost put form on it.  Because you can’t see it, hear it or touch it is is quite challenging to understand.  Imagine that each of us is connected by this invisible string and that string is a like a tube.  That tube has information running through it like the internet.  Unlike the internet though, the information is pure.  We have access to this information always.  Sometimes though, we pinch it off and the information stops flowing.  Although we are always connected, it is our own doing that pinches ourself off.  We do this by going against the flow of what is manifesting and it clogs our pipe.  Even though you are pinched off, that string is a part of you so I can never separate from you.  So when you are in despair, remember that you are connected to everyone by this universal mind.  Just by knowing this you are opening the flow and allowing yourself to connect to everyone in the entire universe.  Then you will begin to experience synchronicities and things just working out perfectly.  It will begin to feel magical.  You remember that you are great and powerful and there isn’t much doing that needs to be done.  It is a journey of attention and perception.  You are that cloud in the sky, you are the wind blowing…you are that.

The Kind of Abundance I Want to Cultivate

I truly believe in the statement “It is all perfect”. Some of my friends think I am a bit silly when I say this.  I can see why it seems silly.  My reasoning behind liking this is because it helps you to see everything as the best possible scenario. When you see a circumstance in this way, you accept it fully and add a positive spin on it.  How awesome is that?  You created it so its perfect for what you are needing in this moment.  The reason we experience pain is because we are getting in the way.  Our higher self is doing all of the connecting and sorting.  Our physical mind’s role is to have perspective.  So the best things we can do is have a great perspective right?

I took a big risk and came to Bangkok, Thailand for a job that was not guaranteed.  I gave up my apartment, my dog and security to take an adventure. I came here with just enough money to pay my bills back home during the three months I was going to stay here. In my mind, I really had a feeling I was going to go home with tons of money in my account.  That three months is coming to an end and I will be going home with no dollars in my account.  There was major fear when this first came to my attention and to add a little tiny bit of resentment. I came all the way across the world to work very hard and go home with no money?  Although I am going home with no dollars in my account, I am going home with so much abundance that money cannot buy.

The experiences and realizations that I have had here are incredibly enriching.  I meet the unknown here, I thought I knew what God was, and now it has integrated.  I have talked about the Divine, Source Energy or whatever you want to call it for years. It was still something that was elusive to me until now. I now have a relationship with Source Energy.  I know it is the invisible mind that we are all connected to, the un-namable.  The one who is creating, it is not outside of me but the bigger part of me as Abraham Hicks teaches.  I learned how to sweat, how to truly be ok with sweating. If you know me, I abhor sweating.  This is huge for me.  My blog was created here. I found a special coffee shop nearby that I ride my bike to and just sat down and started writing.  I never wrote before in my life and now I wonder how I survived without this outlet.  I met a dear friend at that coffee shop that brought me to Buddhist Meditations and great temples like Ayutaya.  She is a friend for life that I cherish so deeply.  I learned to chew my food, to really chew my food.  To make sure that the enzymes are activated so I put less stress on my stomach.  Yogi Bhajan says “You don’t have teeth in your stomach”.  I wondered why I was bloated so often.  Food that isn’t properly masticated rots in your stomach and is breeding ground for bacteria. Gross, I know. Unless you are chewing your food until is liquid then you have problems.  You learn that you don’t need to eat as much when you really take the time to chew your food.  I learned that LA traffic is not that bad in comparison to Bangkok. I look forward to sitting in my Mini on the 101. Let’s hope this awareness stays with me for a while when I return.

That amount of abundance surpasses anything I could have every dreamed of.  I am going home with so much abundance in my heart.  I can feel the abundance that is pouring over me.  That is the kind of abundance I want to cultivate.

Some of the photos I took at this magical place…

Ex Conspiracy Theorist

In the early stages of my awakening I remember being quite involved in opposing and whining about our governments.  I watched and read everything that concerned conspiracy theories and spoke about them with everyone. I felt it was my need to inform everyone of the act of crime that were being committed upon us, we were victims of horrific violence.  Everyday I would walk outside and see the chemtrails and feel so much anger inside of me, we were victims of silent warfare.  GMOS are now the hot topic.  I was looking at things happening outside of me and feeling incredibly helpless.  This is a part of the process, we look at the world and see what we have created and we are not pleased.  Complaining about our government reminds us of our freedom of speech.  This freedom is our natural state.  We also have the freedom to create new a new paradigm, which we are so beautifully doing.  Resonating with the freedom aspect of ourselves, we expand and break out of the jail cell we have created. We create not by focusing on what is wrong, because in doing that we only give energy to and create more of what we don’t want.  Creation happens by allowing the universal energy to move through us and we are inspired to take action.  Seeing that all of this is a reflection of our collective consciousness that is pushing us create new systems.  To feel that we are having this experience to show us that we do not yet fully understand our unity of all things.  Turn on the light and all darkness is dispelled.  Lets teach each other by example.  Forgiving ourselves. We all have one very important thing in common and that is we are everything, we are connected by the space in between.  Our true self. Let us focus on the truth of remembering our who we really are.  Allowing the divine to flow through us with new ideas and most of all standing tall in our own sovereignty.

Time

There are two types of people in the world, the ones that are always on time and the ones who are always late.  I am the always on time person, I am a rule follower.  When I was a kid my dad would say “Get up, you’re going to be late!”.  I had so much time but he was so worried I would be late for school. My dad was in the Army, he was conditioned in this way and the information was just passed along. He did the best he could with what he knew. Our parents always do, we can be easier on them.  This conditioning however, shaped me to be like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.  I have this sense of urgency all the time.  It is this feeling that there isn’t enough time and this takes me out of the present.  I do things in a rush for fear of not having enough time. I recently hurt my back and the injury keeps popping up again and again.  Everything in the physical body is a reflection of some type of resistance or resentment.  I realized this injury is due to the fact that I move too fast, I am in a rush.  I have been conditioned to be in a race with time.  But time is an illusion, everything is now.   What is going on behind this energy is the fear of death.  This fear of death is always lurking in the dark corners of our mind.  The egos biggest fear is to die.  The soul knows it is eternal but when we are not connected to our true self how can we know this?

We are constantly reminded that time is running out subliminally.  We can begin to relax when we remember and truly practice the knowing that we are eternal.  Beginning to feel our feet on the ground as we walk, feel the water running through our hands and we can truly listen to another without thinking of how we are going to respond.  We make little adjustments each day to be more in the moment and more in our bodies. Reminding ourselves that we don’t have to be perfect, just set the intention to become more aware.  We trust that all is perfect and we are always exactly where we need to be. There is no place to go, we are here and now always.

Thank You

We live in a world of duality, of darkness and light.  The experiences of each individual is ever changing and to live in peace it would behoove us to go with these tides of change.  Most of us have this natural proclivity to cling to significant experiences or people.  We do this unconsciously, we do things we don’t want to do for fear of the unknown.  If we only believed that once we truly let go of the people and things that do not serve us we can make room for new exciting people and experiences to flood in.  When you are in pain, you are really asking for something new and better. Abraham hicks teaches us this.  Contrast shows us what we do not want and gives birth to what we do want.  I have always had this thought that you forget pain once it is over. I remember times in my life where I have experienced excruciating physical pain and emotional pain and yet I do not remember it.  I can look back on that timeline but it is not in the present moment, it is gone with the wind.  I do not actually feel it, I can only remember it.  So next time you are in that excruciating pain and asking for the pain to go away be so present in it and go to your heart, KNOW that this will be a page in history.  The important piece of this is giving thanks once it is over. Also feel appreciation for the darkness for bringing you to the light.  Giving thanks darkness for giving you the gift of growth. Go to your heart center and feel the appreciation for the sun coming out and drying up the rain.  Yogi Bhajan says “An attitude of gratitude brings great things.”  When you are truly grateful from your heart, you feel love.  Connection to the divine and in love with it all.  So this is about saying thank you with your heart.

 

Mixed Signals

You can call it ambivalence, capriciousness or being fickle.  Whatever the term, it is indecision that keeps us going back and forth.  It is a feeling of not knowing.  We have all had this experience and sometimes very often.  It even happens in the little decisions we make each day such as what we are going to eat, what we are going to wear or what career to chose.  This ambivalence is giving the universe mixed signals.   This is how it works, you decide you want something or would like to experience something.  The universe then starts conjuring up all of the circumstances and people needed to make this happen.  You then start to worry that it is not coming, you believe you do not deserve it or you may change your mind for no good reason at all.  You have now dropped out of the vibration for the universe to bring this thing that you want to you.  All of those circumstances are now changing to fit what you are feeling which is an unsure feeling.  What you can do is make a decision on what you want, feel appreciation for it.  Trust so deeply that it is yours. This part if huge, just sit and watch what happens.  It may or may not look exactly look like what you pictured. Can you just make a decision and trust that no matter what road you take they all take you to exactly where you need to be?  Follow what feels good, its quite simple. Beginning to trust the feeling in your heart center.  The more you trust your feelings, the stronger and more clear they become.

Darkness

I have a great desire to help others release resistance because of my own personal struggle. Maybe some of you have it together and everything is perfect.  Kudos to you if that is the case.  It has taken me a while to get to a point where I appreciate the struggle.  I still have my moments asking “why oh why?” They are now lined with a deep trust that I am guided and exactly where I need to be. Struggle will make you a strong asker for new and better.  We all see the world in a certain way according to the life experiences we have had.  I, like everyone else in the world have experienced pain and heart break.  How can you have compassion when you have not had the experience?   We are experiencing certain circumstances so that our soul can evolve.  You just have to relax and trust, stop reacting.  The struggle that you are going through now will pass and you will have another one very soon.  The moment you truly accept that, the struggle is over.  Not everyone is dealing with the same problems.  The experiences we are having are a direct result of what we need to experience to become more aware.  We will keep experiencing the same circumstance until we are ready to transform it. We have a tendency to want to play victim mentality.  We ask why do I have to deal with this? What did I do wrong?  Eckhart Tolle says “Life will give you whatever experience you need for the evolution of your consciousness”.  Find a way to look to how this conflict is serving you, this will shift you from victim to creator mentality.  In my darkness, I find myself.  I emerge new and better.