Doing, Doing, Doing

When I look around at the world I see a bunch of ants running around doing a bunch of things and in a hurry to do them.  I often ponder if that is our purpose.  I see so much of our society is based on what we are doing or accomplishing.  Is that the real nature of being human? To do, make and create?  I don’t have answers to this.  I have come to realize that I know nothing and the things I think I know are changing or probably will change.  I am just here perceiving how I perceive and doing my best to come to new conclusions with those new perceptions.  I find myself in a place where there is a clean slate and I feel a ton of pressure to figure out what I am going to do now.  I see how everyone has their creation they are working so hard on and with so much passion.  I have a lot of respect for it.  I just don’t have that in this moment and by not having that somehow I have picked up in my subconscious that does not make me worthy. It is so interesting how we have defined our self worth by what we accomplish and do.  In truth, just being is so beyond worthy in itself.  So do I have to have some big project or goal in the pipeline? I feel that my conditioning says yes and it is a big yes.  It is saying “Kat, get off your ass and do something big or you are going to be living in a box on the side of the street”.  There is however a small but tiny voice that says “Just relax Kat, you just do what you feel in this moment and all is unfolding for you perfectly”.  So which voice do I listen to?  I think I will listen to the small tiny voice and see what happens.

 

Ex Conspiracy Theorist

In the early stages of my awakening I remember being quite involved in opposing and whining about our governments.  I watched and read everything that concerned conspiracy theories and spoke about them with everyone. I felt it was my need to inform everyone of the act of crime that were being committed upon us, we were victims of horrific violence.  Everyday I would walk outside and see the chemtrails and feel so much anger inside of me, we were victims of silent warfare.  GMOS are now the hot topic.  I was looking at things happening outside of me and feeling incredibly helpless.  This is a part of the process, we look at the world and see what we have created and we are not pleased.  Complaining about our government reminds us of our freedom of speech.  This freedom is our natural state.  We also have the freedom to create new a new paradigm, which we are so beautifully doing.  Resonating with the freedom aspect of ourselves, we expand and break out of the jail cell we have created. We create not by focusing on what is wrong, because in doing that we only give energy to and create more of what we don’t want.  Creation happens by allowing the universal energy to move through us and we are inspired to take action.  Seeing that all of this is a reflection of our collective consciousness that is pushing us create new systems.  To feel that we are having this experience to show us that we do not yet fully understand our unity of all things.  Turn on the light and all darkness is dispelled.  Lets teach each other by example.  Forgiving ourselves. We all have one very important thing in common and that is we are everything, we are connected by the space in between.  Our true self. Let us focus on the truth of remembering our who we really are.  Allowing the divine to flow through us with new ideas and most of all standing tall in our own sovereignty.

Welcome

If you have read my other blog entries then you probably get the sense I am curious and intrigued by darkness.  I feel it deeply and have a passion for understanding it.  I have come to learn and accept that it is necessary. I received a feeling during a moment of darkness that felt warming, almost as if I enjoyed the pain?  I felt as though I was welcoming it.  I was not resisting it, but not only that, I was enjoying it.  Recognizing that the darkness is a part of me on a deeper level than I had previously known.  We all have shadow parts of ourselves and we have been conditioned to feel shame around our dark parts.  This shame separates us from each other, we feel isolated.  Its as if no one had ever felt the pain that we are feeling, which is so far from truth. We begin to honor each part of ourselves, remembering that none of it is us.  The true self is nothingness.  It can be hard to grasp this when we have been trained to be so involved in physical form and dismissing the other side, which is spirit.  Can we begin to welcome it all, enjoy it all?  Learn to be ok with the fact that really we are nothingness?

Equanimity

What does it mean to live a spiritual life?  In short, it means to know that there is an unseen force that is loving us and supporting us.  You trust the process of life and understand that each moment is a gift so that you may grow into your full potential.  Our purpose is to let go and be present to your emotions.  When you start to feel old patterns emerge, you step back and become a witness to the pain.  You do not get involved in the pain.  You notice the patterns of berating yourself.  This is old conditioning that lives in our collective consciousness.  Spirit is your essence, spirit is the energy that pervades you.  When you begin to awaken to this truth you constantly remind yourself to come back to the zero point with in.  In yogic terms we call this zero point Sunya.  The mind will continue to create problems and thought patterns, this will not end.  It is in the remembering to come back to this zero point that we begin to find equanimity.