Inudated

There is something strange happening here on this planet that we inhabit.  Since the invention of the Internet there seems to be an influx of information inundating our minds.  Everything that surrounds us is absorbed into our consciousness.  We seem to have too much knowledge and maybe not about the things that really benefit us.  There seems to be a disconnect from our own internal wisdom.  I am beginning to get really honest about how I am feeling lately.  Mostly because I just don’t have a choice anymore, it is just what is happening through me.

I have been practicing Kundalini Yoga with a lot of fervor for the past four years.  I was following what I was told what it takes to be a good yogi without question.  Looking back it confounds me that I didn’t question any of this.  I just did it because everyone said it would benefit me and it made sense.  Their reasoning made so much sense at the time.  I wore white because it expands my aura and got rid of my black clothes because that depletes my aura.  That makes sense, but secretly I missed my black tight clothes.

I see all of the information regarding nutrition and why we shouldn’t eat animal protein and just followed along because I didn’t want to look like the inhumane animal killer.

Everywhere you go there is some picture of how someone thinks things should be and we are brainwashed to believe it too.  We have forgotten to listen to our own inner voice.  We need to be reminded that absolutely everything is spiritual.

I guess what I am beginning to really realize is that nothing is forever, really nothing. All ideas are always changing; all belief structures are being redesigned.  I held so tight to some of these things I so reverently believed in.  Those ways of being served me in the moment and now it is time to shift my perspective once again.  I am beginning to learn to be ok with the fact that I am always shifting perspectives.  Can I be easy on myself through all of this? That is the real question.

When You’re Ready

On the path of awakening, which includes every human being, we gradually reach new levels of awareness.  In the beginning of your exploration, the enlightening information that you read and listen to reverberates in your heart.  You know this wisdom is truth in a place of your being that you feel but may not have the a deep relationship with yet.  Reaching new heights of consciousness, the true self begins to take over the drivers seat.  Finding yourself behaving differently, dropping self sabotage thoughts and behaviors.  There is something that excites me about this path of remembering, it is that you will not hear something until you are ready to hear it.  You will hear something a million times and then boom, you really hear it.  Each phase is essential to your sprouting.  It is marvelous when the information you have heard many times over integrates into your experience.  It is then when the magic takes place and everything changes.  You really begin practicing the thing that will make those genuine shifts within.  Nothing will be revealed to you until you’re ready, and that is beginning to be just fine with me.

Next Level

So I have been on this spiritual journey for quite some time.  Why did I go on spiritual journey? Mostly because I was spiraling out of control on pills and bad decisions.  I cared so much about what other people thought of what I was doing I couldn’t stand myself. Those thoughts about their opinion ruled my everyday.  I was tiptoeing around everyone because I didn’t want to make a stir.  All conditioning from my childhood.  I chose Kundalini Yoga as my method, my modality.  I practiced like a good little girl.  I have to say though I felt so guilty when I didn’t do the practices correctly.  So much guilt lingering around if I felt that I wanted to try red meat for medicinal purposes.  So much guilt if I wasn’t waking up at 4am to do my Sadhana.  Now let me say this, I am not knocking Kundalini Yoga. I absolutely love what the technology has done for me. It has changed my whole world because it has brought me to this conclusion here.  I will continue to practice it for as long as it serves me.  It has taught me all of the fundamental building blocks that I did not learn as a child.  I have rewired my neurotransmitters.  I will however not get stuck in feeling guilty. I will do what feels good for me in the moment.  If it feels good to practice yoga, I will practice yoga. If it feels good for me to be a vegetarian, I will be a vegetarian.  If it feels good to wear a turban, I will wear a turban.  We live in a very physical world and we are here to experience. The moment something put a limits on anything, we must question it. It is so essential to know who you truly are.  This took me five years hardcore on a spiritual journey to realize this.  Now with this knowledge, I am free to explore.  Deepak Chopra says “Knowledge has organizing power”.  You are that which others call God, Universe or Source.  That is your true nature.  We are here to release judgment.  I am ready to release the judgment of myself when I want to have chocolate for breakfast.  I am ready to release the judgment of myself when I want to wear black eyeliner and I feel I shouldn’t because I am a spiritual girl. This is how I feel…I love you but I don’t care what your opinion of me is. I will continue to explore and my truth will continue changing.

The Unknown

What is it like to live in the unknown and be ok?  What if the universe is creating all of the experiences that you need for your evolution as you?  Your part is to go with what is being created.  So often we go against what has been created. The universe is the organized essence that takes care of every single event that happens in the universe. So that is why we may not experience exactly what we want, when we want it. We must remember that everything is unfolding at the perfect timing in conjunction with the whole. Everything that seems out of order is exactly a part of what needs to happen for the whole. When you are feeling off or disappointed, find a way to be present to what you are feeling. Notice with an observing presence. Knowing that it will pass. We attach and hold on to these passing emotions. By doing that, the energy gets stuck in our energetic field and make us feel heavy.  We feel resistance to what the universe has created because it may not match what we expect.  If we can just trust that everything is  exactly as it should be, those moment of discomfort could turn into a much easier experience.

Moonlight

I love driving along side the ocean in the evening and seeing the moonlight glimmering on the ocean.  What a sight.  The moon never fails us, it is always waxing and waning.  The sun is sure to come out tomorrow.  We never doubt it or rather we never think about it, we just expect it.  This could be our belief in each day,  that the universe is always conjuring up the next experience.  Letting go of this belief that we must do and achieve.  Developing this trust that every single moment is perfect.  Beginning to notice the evidence of this truth, seeing the subtle reminders everywhere.  To know this is to truly know that all is one.  Connecting to the awareness within, bringing more consciousness to your spirit.  When we do this more often than not, we begin to witness the magic.  This is a belief system journey.  Change your belief systems and your life experience changes.  You must only have a great desire with sweet intentions.

You Are That

You are always safe. You know why you are always safe? Because we are all in this together.  There is one existence.  There is only the illusion of separateness.  I mean can you really grasp this at this moment. Really feel that and know that and expand your awareness out and look at the world and say I am that. All of the kind things people do for you are actually you doing it for yourself.  So strange isn’t it?  After all these years you thought you were poor little me, all alone in the world.

There is this interconnected great mind, I really like the idea of an invisible string.  It gives you the ability to almost put form on it.  Because you can’t see it, hear it or touch it is is quite challenging to understand.  Imagine that each of us is connected by this invisible string and that string is a like a tube.  That tube has information running through it like the internet.  Unlike the internet though, the information is pure.  We have access to this information always.  Sometimes though, we pinch it off and the information stops flowing.  Although we are always connected, it is our own doing that pinches ourself off.  We do this by going against the flow of what is manifesting and it clogs our pipe.  Even though you are pinched off, that string is a part of you so I can never separate from you.  So when you are in despair, remember that you are connected to everyone by this universal mind.  Just by knowing this you are opening the flow and allowing yourself to connect to everyone in the entire universe.  Then you will begin to experience synchronicities and things just working out perfectly.  It will begin to feel magical.  You remember that you are great and powerful and there isn’t much doing that needs to be done.  It is a journey of attention and perception.  You are that cloud in the sky, you are the wind blowing…you are that.

The Kind of Abundance I Want to Cultivate

I truly believe in the statement “It is all perfect”. Some of my friends think I am a bit silly when I say this.  I can see why it seems silly.  My reasoning behind liking this is because it helps you to see everything as the best possible scenario. When you see a circumstance in this way, you accept it fully and add a positive spin on it.  How awesome is that?  You created it so its perfect for what you are needing in this moment.  The reason we experience pain is because we are getting in the way.  Our higher self is doing all of the connecting and sorting.  Our physical mind’s role is to have perspective.  So the best things we can do is have a great perspective right?

I took a big risk and came to Bangkok, Thailand for a job that was not guaranteed.  I gave up my apartment, my dog and security to take an adventure. I came here with just enough money to pay my bills back home during the three months I was going to stay here. In my mind, I really had a feeling I was going to go home with tons of money in my account.  That three months is coming to an end and I will be going home with no dollars in my account.  There was major fear when this first came to my attention and to add a little tiny bit of resentment. I came all the way across the world to work very hard and go home with no money?  Although I am going home with no dollars in my account, I am going home with so much abundance that money cannot buy.

The experiences and realizations that I have had here are incredibly enriching.  I meet the unknown here, I thought I knew what God was, and now it has integrated.  I have talked about the Divine, Source Energy or whatever you want to call it for years. It was still something that was elusive to me until now. I now have a relationship with Source Energy.  I know it is the invisible mind that we are all connected to, the un-namable.  The one who is creating, it is not outside of me but the bigger part of me as Abraham Hicks teaches.  I learned how to sweat, how to truly be ok with sweating. If you know me, I abhor sweating.  This is huge for me.  My blog was created here. I found a special coffee shop nearby that I ride my bike to and just sat down and started writing.  I never wrote before in my life and now I wonder how I survived without this outlet.  I met a dear friend at that coffee shop that brought me to Buddhist Meditations and great temples like Ayutaya.  She is a friend for life that I cherish so deeply.  I learned to chew my food, to really chew my food.  To make sure that the enzymes are activated so I put less stress on my stomach.  Yogi Bhajan says “You don’t have teeth in your stomach”.  I wondered why I was bloated so often.  Food that isn’t properly masticated rots in your stomach and is breeding ground for bacteria. Gross, I know. Unless you are chewing your food until is liquid then you have problems.  You learn that you don’t need to eat as much when you really take the time to chew your food.  I learned that LA traffic is not that bad in comparison to Bangkok. I look forward to sitting in my Mini on the 101. Let’s hope this awareness stays with me for a while when I return.

That amount of abundance surpasses anything I could have every dreamed of.  I am going home with so much abundance in my heart.  I can feel the abundance that is pouring over me.  That is the kind of abundance I want to cultivate.

Some of the photos I took at this magical place…

Ex Conspiracy Theorist

In the early stages of my awakening I remember being quite involved in opposing and whining about our governments.  I watched and read everything that concerned conspiracy theories and spoke about them with everyone. I felt it was my need to inform everyone of the act of crime that were being committed upon us, we were victims of horrific violence.  Everyday I would walk outside and see the chemtrails and feel so much anger inside of me, we were victims of silent warfare.  GMOS are now the hot topic.  I was looking at things happening outside of me and feeling incredibly helpless.  This is a part of the process, we look at the world and see what we have created and we are not pleased.  Complaining about our government reminds us of our freedom of speech.  This freedom is our natural state.  We also have the freedom to create new a new paradigm, which we are so beautifully doing.  Resonating with the freedom aspect of ourselves, we expand and break out of the jail cell we have created. We create not by focusing on what is wrong, because in doing that we only give energy to and create more of what we don’t want.  Creation happens by allowing the universal energy to move through us and we are inspired to take action.  Seeing that all of this is a reflection of our collective consciousness that is pushing us create new systems.  To feel that we are having this experience to show us that we do not yet fully understand our unity of all things.  Turn on the light and all darkness is dispelled.  Lets teach each other by example.  Forgiving ourselves. We all have one very important thing in common and that is we are everything, we are connected by the space in between.  Our true self. Let us focus on the truth of remembering our who we really are.  Allowing the divine to flow through us with new ideas and most of all standing tall in our own sovereignty.

The World

To be in balance with the spiritual and the world of the manifested is the ultimate peace and happiness.  Why? Because its take you out of ego, which is object concerned only. When we become attached to this physical world including thought and experience, we have forgotten the source of it all.  This is where most of humanity is today and we are waking up.  The beyond is watching with excitement as we become more.  It may take years of spiritual discipline and a desire to shift your experience or it may take one moment of satori to be in union with this.  You may know this but until you really know, you will still have questions.  When you truly have touched the realm of the unknown,  you will know your connection to all and your questioning will cease.  Everything is stitched together by an invisible string.  There is an underlying awareness that you carry with you everywhere.  An awareness of space, nothingness, the invisible.  It is greater than you but also part of you.  Being cognizant that even thoughts are things, they are vibrations just as solid objects are dense vibrations.  These dense vibrations came into being first by thought.  You lean on this invisible source where everything originates from.  If you want to feel this in your body then feel the energy that gives life to you. You are in harmony with the world and spirit when you can touch space.  You can safely let go, creation is creating and destroying and this is ok with you.  You remember who you are and you keep remembering until that remembering becomes your constant state.  In that constant state, the world floats by as you watch in awe.

Dear Dad

When I began this blog I called it Candid Expressions of a Modern Kundalini Yogette for a reason.  My desire was to express myself from the depths of my heart.  Selfishly actually, because I have learned that expression is quite an important part of this journey.  As we repress feelings of sadness down, they get thick and build up like plaque on the walls of arteries.  This is how heart attacks happen.  For years I have repressed so many feelings and resentments in my being and all in perfection.  What fun it has been to uncover and learn through those experiences. How incredibly amazing technology is that I can share myself with beings all around the world and through doing that heal myself. Here I share a letter to my beloved Dad…

Dear Da Da,

I know I am a little late for Father’s Day but I didn’t think to write you a letter until now.  I want to write you a letter to tell you how I feel. As I write this, I have tears in my eyes.  I have to admit anytime I think of you, I get emotional. You and I have been through a lot together.  A part of me has shoved those years down because of the trauma you and I have been through.  When I think of everything we have been through I realize that we needed to go through all of that. I think all of the pain has catapulted me into where I am today.  Today I am a woman who is working on herself to inspire others to heal their pain as well.  I know that you had a tough life and being in the war impacted you greatly.  I don’t think any man should have to endure what you did.  I don’t think Veterans get anywhere near the amount of respect you deserve.  As much as I do not agree with war, I do understand that this is where humanity is in its evolution.  I hope when my kids grow up, that war will be a part of history.  I remember when I was young and you tried so hard to teach me things.  I was resistant and maybe for a reason.  Maybe I was not supposed to be the Wimbledon star you wanted me to be.  I appreciate the things you took the time out to teach me such as riding a bike, swimming and how you encouraged me to play tennis. Do you remember when I wanted to knit so bad? I laugh so hard when I think of that.  You taught me my sense of humor and I am honored to have your sense of humor. I know things have not been easy for you but I think you are beginning to soften up in this time in your life.  It is beautiful to see you soften.  I remember your charm as a child and your boldness.  I never understood you as a child and now I hope to take on your ability to just not care what anyone thinks of you.  Being such a sensitive child and I know you worried about that for me. Please know that you do not have to worry about me.  I am a human being and life is going to throw curveballs at me but I know now that things always work out.  The natural proclivity of any parent is to worry and I guess I cannot judge it until I become a parent.  My hope is that me writing you this letter will help to ease your worry.  My soul knows that you did the best you could and for that I am eternally grateful to you.  I can’t imagine what it is like to raise a little girl all on your own.  I know we both made mistakes but really there are no mistakes, just opportunities for growth.  I want you to know that I think the world of you and see your greatness.  You are a great man and I am honored to be your daughter.

Love,

T Baby