You Are That

You are always safe. You know why you are always safe? Because we are all in this together.  There is one existence.  There is only the illusion of separateness.  I mean can you really grasp this at this moment. Really feel that and know that and expand your awareness out and look at the world and say I am that. All of the kind things people do for you are actually you doing it for yourself.  So strange isn’t it?  After all these years you thought you were poor little me, all alone in the world.

There is this interconnected great mind, I really like the idea of an invisible string.  It gives you the ability to almost put form on it.  Because you can’t see it, hear it or touch it is is quite challenging to understand.  Imagine that each of us is connected by this invisible string and that string is a like a tube.  That tube has information running through it like the internet.  Unlike the internet though, the information is pure.  We have access to this information always.  Sometimes though, we pinch it off and the information stops flowing.  Although we are always connected, it is our own doing that pinches ourself off.  We do this by going against the flow of what is manifesting and it clogs our pipe.  Even though you are pinched off, that string is a part of you so I can never separate from you.  So when you are in despair, remember that you are connected to everyone by this universal mind.  Just by knowing this you are opening the flow and allowing yourself to connect to everyone in the entire universe.  Then you will begin to experience synchronicities and things just working out perfectly.  It will begin to feel magical.  You remember that you are great and powerful and there isn’t much doing that needs to be done.  It is a journey of attention and perception.  You are that cloud in the sky, you are the wind blowing…you are that.

The Kind of Abundance I Want to Cultivate

I truly believe in the statement “It is all perfect”. Some of my friends think I am a bit silly when I say this.  I can see why it seems silly.  My reasoning behind liking this is because it helps you to see everything as the best possible scenario. When you see a circumstance in this way, you accept it fully and add a positive spin on it.  How awesome is that?  You created it so its perfect for what you are needing in this moment.  The reason we experience pain is because we are getting in the way.  Our higher self is doing all of the connecting and sorting.  Our physical mind’s role is to have perspective.  So the best things we can do is have a great perspective right?

I took a big risk and came to Bangkok, Thailand for a job that was not guaranteed.  I gave up my apartment, my dog and security to take an adventure. I came here with just enough money to pay my bills back home during the three months I was going to stay here. In my mind, I really had a feeling I was going to go home with tons of money in my account.  That three months is coming to an end and I will be going home with no dollars in my account.  There was major fear when this first came to my attention and to add a little tiny bit of resentment. I came all the way across the world to work very hard and go home with no money?  Although I am going home with no dollars in my account, I am going home with so much abundance that money cannot buy.

The experiences and realizations that I have had here are incredibly enriching.  I meet the unknown here, I thought I knew what God was, and now it has integrated.  I have talked about the Divine, Source Energy or whatever you want to call it for years. It was still something that was elusive to me until now. I now have a relationship with Source Energy.  I know it is the invisible mind that we are all connected to, the un-namable.  The one who is creating, it is not outside of me but the bigger part of me as Abraham Hicks teaches.  I learned how to sweat, how to truly be ok with sweating. If you know me, I abhor sweating.  This is huge for me.  My blog was created here. I found a special coffee shop nearby that I ride my bike to and just sat down and started writing.  I never wrote before in my life and now I wonder how I survived without this outlet.  I met a dear friend at that coffee shop that brought me to Buddhist Meditations and great temples like Ayutaya.  She is a friend for life that I cherish so deeply.  I learned to chew my food, to really chew my food.  To make sure that the enzymes are activated so I put less stress on my stomach.  Yogi Bhajan says “You don’t have teeth in your stomach”.  I wondered why I was bloated so often.  Food that isn’t properly masticated rots in your stomach and is breeding ground for bacteria. Gross, I know. Unless you are chewing your food until is liquid then you have problems.  You learn that you don’t need to eat as much when you really take the time to chew your food.  I learned that LA traffic is not that bad in comparison to Bangkok. I look forward to sitting in my Mini on the 101. Let’s hope this awareness stays with me for a while when I return.

That amount of abundance surpasses anything I could have every dreamed of.  I am going home with so much abundance in my heart.  I can feel the abundance that is pouring over me.  That is the kind of abundance I want to cultivate.

Some of the photos I took at this magical place…

Ex Conspiracy Theorist

In the early stages of my awakening I remember being quite involved in opposing and whining about our governments.  I watched and read everything that concerned conspiracy theories and spoke about them with everyone. I felt it was my need to inform everyone of the act of crime that were being committed upon us, we were victims of horrific violence.  Everyday I would walk outside and see the chemtrails and feel so much anger inside of me, we were victims of silent warfare.  GMOS are now the hot topic.  I was looking at things happening outside of me and feeling incredibly helpless.  This is a part of the process, we look at the world and see what we have created and we are not pleased.  Complaining about our government reminds us of our freedom of speech.  This freedom is our natural state.  We also have the freedom to create new a new paradigm, which we are so beautifully doing.  Resonating with the freedom aspect of ourselves, we expand and break out of the jail cell we have created. We create not by focusing on what is wrong, because in doing that we only give energy to and create more of what we don’t want.  Creation happens by allowing the universal energy to move through us and we are inspired to take action.  Seeing that all of this is a reflection of our collective consciousness that is pushing us create new systems.  To feel that we are having this experience to show us that we do not yet fully understand our unity of all things.  Turn on the light and all darkness is dispelled.  Lets teach each other by example.  Forgiving ourselves. We all have one very important thing in common and that is we are everything, we are connected by the space in between.  Our true self. Let us focus on the truth of remembering our who we really are.  Allowing the divine to flow through us with new ideas and most of all standing tall in our own sovereignty.

The World

To be in balance with the spiritual and the world of the manifested is the ultimate peace and happiness.  Why? Because its take you out of ego, which is object concerned only. When we become attached to this physical world including thought and experience, we have forgotten the source of it all.  This is where most of humanity is today and we are waking up.  The beyond is watching with excitement as we become more.  It may take years of spiritual discipline and a desire to shift your experience or it may take one moment of satori to be in union with this.  You may know this but until you really know, you will still have questions.  When you truly have touched the realm of the unknown,  you will know your connection to all and your questioning will cease.  Everything is stitched together by an invisible string.  There is an underlying awareness that you carry with you everywhere.  An awareness of space, nothingness, the invisible.  It is greater than you but also part of you.  Being cognizant that even thoughts are things, they are vibrations just as solid objects are dense vibrations.  These dense vibrations came into being first by thought.  You lean on this invisible source where everything originates from.  If you want to feel this in your body then feel the energy that gives life to you. You are in harmony with the world and spirit when you can touch space.  You can safely let go, creation is creating and destroying and this is ok with you.  You remember who you are and you keep remembering until that remembering becomes your constant state.  In that constant state, the world floats by as you watch in awe.

Dear Dad

When I began this blog I called it Candid Expressions of a Modern Kundalini Yogette for a reason.  My desire was to express myself from the depths of my heart.  Selfishly actually, because I have learned that expression is quite an important part of this journey.  As we repress feelings of sadness down, they get thick and build up like plaque on the walls of arteries.  This is how heart attacks happen.  For years I have repressed so many feelings and resentments in my being and all in perfection.  What fun it has been to uncover and learn through those experiences. How incredibly amazing technology is that I can share myself with beings all around the world and through doing that heal myself. Here I share a letter to my beloved Dad…

Dear Da Da,

I know I am a little late for Father’s Day but I didn’t think to write you a letter until now.  I want to write you a letter to tell you how I feel. As I write this, I have tears in my eyes.  I have to admit anytime I think of you, I get emotional. You and I have been through a lot together.  A part of me has shoved those years down because of the trauma you and I have been through.  When I think of everything we have been through I realize that we needed to go through all of that. I think all of the pain has catapulted me into where I am today.  Today I am a woman who is working on herself to inspire others to heal their pain as well.  I know that you had a tough life and being in the war impacted you greatly.  I don’t think any man should have to endure what you did.  I don’t think Veterans get anywhere near the amount of respect you deserve.  As much as I do not agree with war, I do understand that this is where humanity is in its evolution.  I hope when my kids grow up, that war will be a part of history.  I remember when I was young and you tried so hard to teach me things.  I was resistant and maybe for a reason.  Maybe I was not supposed to be the Wimbledon star you wanted me to be.  I appreciate the things you took the time out to teach me such as riding a bike, swimming and how you encouraged me to play tennis. Do you remember when I wanted to knit so bad? I laugh so hard when I think of that.  You taught me my sense of humor and I am honored to have your sense of humor. I know things have not been easy for you but I think you are beginning to soften up in this time in your life.  It is beautiful to see you soften.  I remember your charm as a child and your boldness.  I never understood you as a child and now I hope to take on your ability to just not care what anyone thinks of you.  Being such a sensitive child and I know you worried about that for me. Please know that you do not have to worry about me.  I am a human being and life is going to throw curveballs at me but I know now that things always work out.  The natural proclivity of any parent is to worry and I guess I cannot judge it until I become a parent.  My hope is that me writing you this letter will help to ease your worry.  My soul knows that you did the best you could and for that I am eternally grateful to you.  I can’t imagine what it is like to raise a little girl all on your own.  I know we both made mistakes but really there are no mistakes, just opportunities for growth.  I want you to know that I think the world of you and see your greatness.  You are a great man and I am honored to be your daughter.

Love,

T Baby

Seeing Beyond

When someone you love has betrayed you or someone has said something that hurts you, to see their light is to see beyond your psyche.  To be able to see the connection, to see their part in your evolution.  Having compassion means to look at another wounded mind and recognize it as their mind not as them.  Seeing beyond the illusion and looking at their soul.  Rumi said “Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there”.  That field is neutrality, that field is nothingness.  To see another being for the love that they truly are is the highest path.  It is also the hardest damn thing to do…we must laugh here.  I have been practicing this on a few people in my life, it takes great awareness to practice this.  A huge part of me want to focus on the things they said or did. I catch myself and begin again by focusing my awareness on the light in their beautiful soul.  I see them as a great teacher, almost as if I had chosen them and the circumstance for my higher evolution.  I see the bigger picture, I feel the pain with the knowing that it will soon pass and a new experience will unfold.  Everyone, yes everyone, no exceptions is a part of this whole. Nothing is separate, no event is not meant to be.  Can you find one person that has hurt you and see the light within them rather than the illusion that you believe in?

 

Somatic

C.S. Lewis said “You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” I personally have become so entangled with my somatic problems.  I obsess over every little blemish, bloat or pain.  Upon my awakening and spiritual path I learned that outside circumstances have nothing to do with me and who I truly am.  Who I am truly am is the one who watches, the timeless and untouchable nothingness. These are merely events that I experience.  Although I know this I was still convinced, until now, that my body was me.  How could it not be? My soul was occupying this space, it goes with me everywhere.  I am drawn into every ache, itch and anything that was slightly off balance.  I feel shame about my imperfections.  My thoughts wonder what I did wrong for this imbalance in the body to manifest.  I fumble back into the past and feel regret and sadness for the toxic chemicals I put into my body.  Then I had the realization that I am not my body and these aches and pains are a part of this awakening to the true self.  The true self does not fear pain, it faces fear with great courage and tenacity.  The realization that I am not my body has been the hidden secret because of my unrelenting  attachment to it.   I am not  flesh, blood and bone but the energy that pervades this physical body.  There is a part of you that welcomes pain and change because it knows on the other side is growth if you chose it.  As we go into this new age we understand that time is speeding up and manifestation is happening at much faster rates.  The more that we can go with this ebb and flow we can open up to the powerful energy that is being sent here on Earth.  I will now connect to the universal energy that is running through my vessel and allow it to flow.  I trust that my health depends solely on this energy to flow, it is that simple.

Forgetting and Remembering…

I am utterly in love with awakening and healing and yet it can be so painful to see your wounds in all of their disgusting glory.  I forget all too often on this journey, I must admit. The moments of remembering just how truly divine I am are the greatest blessings. I say to myself “Oh that is who I am, how could I forget again”.  My feelings of separateness fade away and I am washed in love.  I believe this remembering and forgetting is a part of this shift.  I know this because every single moment is exactly the perfect unfolding of our experience. I am watchful to this knowing, the signs are ubiquitous.  I remember that you are me and I am you.  When I condemn another, I condemn myself.  Your heart is my heart.  When I feel this love, the compassion in my heart in unbearable.  For soon, we will not be afraid anymore.  We will remember and bask in the unity for a great while.  Remaining unattached, knowing that the cycle will end and begin again.

Time

There are two types of people in the world, the ones that are always on time and the ones who are always late.  I am the always on time person, I am a rule follower.  When I was a kid my dad would say “Get up, you’re going to be late!”.  I had so much time but he was so worried I would be late for school. My dad was in the Army, he was conditioned in this way and the information was just passed along. He did the best he could with what he knew. Our parents always do, we can be easier on them.  This conditioning however, shaped me to be like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.  I have this sense of urgency all the time.  It is this feeling that there isn’t enough time and this takes me out of the present.  I do things in a rush for fear of not having enough time. I recently hurt my back and the injury keeps popping up again and again.  Everything in the physical body is a reflection of some type of resistance or resentment.  I realized this injury is due to the fact that I move too fast, I am in a rush.  I have been conditioned to be in a race with time.  But time is an illusion, everything is now.   What is going on behind this energy is the fear of death.  This fear of death is always lurking in the dark corners of our mind.  The egos biggest fear is to die.  The soul knows it is eternal but when we are not connected to our true self how can we know this?

We are constantly reminded that time is running out subliminally.  We can begin to relax when we remember and truly practice the knowing that we are eternal.  Beginning to feel our feet on the ground as we walk, feel the water running through our hands and we can truly listen to another without thinking of how we are going to respond.  We make little adjustments each day to be more in the moment and more in our bodies. Reminding ourselves that we don’t have to be perfect, just set the intention to become more aware.  We trust that all is perfect and we are always exactly where we need to be. There is no place to go, we are here and now always.

Welcome

If you have read my other blog entries then you probably get the sense I am curious and intrigued by darkness.  I feel it deeply and have a passion for understanding it.  I have come to learn and accept that it is necessary. I received a feeling during a moment of darkness that felt warming, almost as if I enjoyed the pain?  I felt as though I was welcoming it.  I was not resisting it, but not only that, I was enjoying it.  Recognizing that the darkness is a part of me on a deeper level than I had previously known.  We all have shadow parts of ourselves and we have been conditioned to feel shame around our dark parts.  This shame separates us from each other, we feel isolated.  Its as if no one had ever felt the pain that we are feeling, which is so far from truth. We begin to honor each part of ourselves, remembering that none of it is us.  The true self is nothingness.  It can be hard to grasp this when we have been trained to be so involved in physical form and dismissing the other side, which is spirit.  Can we begin to welcome it all, enjoy it all?  Learn to be ok with the fact that really we are nothingness?